What Is Wrong With People???? Another Lobster Roll Disaster From Some Broads In California

My buddy Heather Atwood forwarded me this shamockery of a lobster roll recipe.

I honestly don’t know where to begin in a critique.  I could probably do a whole ‘nother blog in addition to GMG with all these recipe’s from people who don’t know how to let perfection alone.

First the a small preview of the mess that  DENISE WOODWARD & LAUDALINO FERREIRA from EAT Boutique display as their lobster roll- (for the full sized picture I suggest you go to their other than the horrible lobster roll post, excellent food blog)-EAT BOUTIQUE!

Now just from the tiny sample of a picture above at EAT BOUTIQUE! you can imagine how any self respecting lobster roll lover would cringe when you see a lobster roll that has more green visible than lobster parts.

Any of you that have been with the blog from the beginning know how I feel about anything green touching a lobster roll.

A quote from my original post from July 3, 2008 as a refresher-

What I found was shocking and disturbing. It seems these mooks up in Maine have found a way to fuck up ruin a perfectly good lobster roll. Listen to me, under no circumstances should the words lettuce, paprika, French baguette, or celery enter the equation when speaking about lobster roll preparation.

So back to the mess in California and the EAT BOUTIQUE! version of a lobster roll.

This quote near the end of her blog post really gives you an idea of how unqualified they are to be writing about lobster rolls-

I like to use a live lobster, but have used frozen lobster tails, when I am in a pinch; both types are as equally delicious.

Really now????   You’re gonna go and say that frozen lobster tails are in any way shape or form equally as delicious as fresh shucked meat?  Oh No You Diin’t

oh-no-you-didnt

If stating that frozen lobster tails are just as delicious as fresh shucked lobster meat for your lobster rolls wasn’t enough wait ‘til you see what they use for ingredients-

There isn’t just one strike on their ingredient list, there are five, count ‘em five!

Among the list of ingredients on the Mrs Joey C lobster roll banned ingredients list which the author uses-

  • 1 – 1-1/2 pound live lobster (a frozen tail works as well)
  • 1 lemon, cut into quarters
  • 1 tablespoon salt
  • 1 jalapeno, seeds removed, minced
  • 1 celery stalk, minced
  • 3 green onions, minced
  • 1/8 cup mayo
  • 1/4 fresh lemon, juiced
  • Salt for sprinkling
  • 4 hot dog buns
  • Butter

If you didn’t already know, the highlighted ingredients in her list are all no-nos.

I understand that some strange folk like celery (for the crunch), but jalefuckingpenos?  Jalepenos????  This just strikes me as another food writer’s attempt to differentiate their dish, but what they obviously don’t get is that the beauty of the classic lobster roll is it’s simplicity.

I guess you have to give these poor misguided women a pass with them living in California and all with all those other fruitcakes. 

They  do some things right, like buttering the hot dog rolls and grilling them so they get a 2 on a scale from 1-10.

To do the right job refer to this original post from The Mrs’ recipe-

For the proper way to prepare a lobster roll see this post-

Lobster Roll Ingredients

Worls Greatest Lobster Roll

Has to be Cains mayo, and hot dog rolls so you can grill them to a golden brown with the salted butter.

Notice there is no lettuce, paprika, celery or any other filler. If anything else appears in your lobster roll, you have an inferior lobster roll.

steam the lobsters and shuck the meat

tear the meat into 1/2 inch chunks or so and mix with cains mayo

refrigerate

once lobster and mayo is chilled, butter each side of cheap hot dog rolls (the kind you tear apart)

you do not want to use any goddamn baguette or crusty overpowering roll

you want white bread tear apart soft hot dog rolls

once you butter the sides of the hot dog rolls with SALTED butter you pan brown the roll so its warm and golden brown

just barely browned but the roll should still be very soft

then load up your cool lobster/mayo filling into the warm soft buttery roll and you have yourself the perfect lobster roll

note- NO  LETTUCE- NO  CELERY-NO  PAPRIKA- NO FANCY CRUSTY FRENCH ROLL

About Joey C

The creator of goodmorninggloucester.org Lover of all things Gloucester and Cape Ann. GMG where we bring you the very best our town has to offer because we love to share all the great news and believe that by promoting others in our community everyone wins.
This entry was posted in Eats, lobster, Lobster Roll and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

39 Responses to What Is Wrong With People???? Another Lobster Roll Disaster From Some Broads In California

  1. Hi Joey: You’re adorable. You have every single right to hate Denise’s lobster roll. Yours looks absolutely delicious. Can you make me one, please? -Maggie

    • Joey C says:

      Hate is a little strong. I feel more sorry for that poor lobster that has to endure sitting next to jalepenos of all things? and what’s with the lemon? Do we need to mask the taste of the most succulent of all succulent meats in all the world with lemon FFS? I can’t take credit for the lobster roll preparation BTW, it’s all the MRS.

  2. Kevin says:

    Joey,
    From California ? You should be shocked ?

  3. I completely understand. Personally, I don’t even like mayo. I just want lobster and little butter in my toasted roll, nothing more. Your MRS is a good cook. ;)

  4. Anonymous says:

    k’in-a Joey,
    yours looks wicked good.

    Im suprised they didnt put avocados in it. What a crime!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hi Joey, You are absolutely right about the lobster roll. I live on a small island off the coast of Maine and my husband is a lobster fisherman. All that other crap in a lobster roll will just ruin the taste.

  6. Jonathan says:

    ‘kin-a joey
    Yours looks wicked good.
    I’m suprised they didnt spoil it more with avacodo.
    what a waste!

  7. blackswanbeth says:

    *LOL* Lobster Roll WITH dignity, dammit!

  8. Bill Hubbard says:

    I’m with you 100% on this one Joey. Lobster, Cains Mayo and a toasted hot dog roll. Anything else takes away from he lobster and adds nothing to the taste. But did yoiu see where Denise first tasted lobster? The Whalng Station in Monterey, CA! That may explain it all.

    My wife an I ate there on a California vacation a number of years ago. I was surprised to find New England Clam Chowder on the menue. I questioned the waiter and was assured their chef came from Boston and made real NE Clam Chowder. I ordered it and was brought something floating in tomato sauce, ugh!. To my wife’s chagrin, I called the waiter and in a loud voice challenged the authenticity of the glop I was served. He insisted and called the Chef, who never showed up. The manager came to our table and asked us to leave. I told him I’d be sick if I ate what was in the bowl.
    We left and had a great dinner down the road a ways.
    Bill

  9. Anonymous says:

    I like to use a live lobster, but have used frozen lobster tails, or 9-lives cat food when I am in a pinch; all types are as equally delicious.

  10. Alicia says:

    The Mrs. Lobster rolls look amazing! The other one looks like that imitation seafood salad.

  11. So Heather sent you the link to the Jalapeño Lobster Roll. Just wondering but does Heather like to poke beehives with a stick?

  12. Steve Stein says:

    Right on.

    But this weekend I ran into another lobster roll issue to consider – warm buttered lobster meat instead of cold. I had this at Jimmy’s in West Haven CT. Not bad at all. Very different, though, from “real” lobster rolls we’re used to here in MA. Perhaps it’s just a whole different dish, just named the same.

    • Joey C says:

      I’d like to try that type of lobster roll. Sounds yummy. (as long as it doesnt have any green stuff on it!

      What will these Califonians try to tell us next, that we should mix it with tofu?

      • Steve Stein says:

        Well, next time you’re in West Haven, get down to Jimmy’s (at Savin Rock) and try one. They serve it on a hot dog roll (with the outer crusts), which will be dripping in butter unless you ask for the roll “drained”. There is usually a long wait for indoor seating. But there’s an outdoor bar – wonderful if the weather’s nice – which serves a limited menu (including this lobster roll), for which there’s usually no wait at all. They’ll usually have dueling Red Sox / Yankees baseball games on the TV (along with dueling Red Sox / Yankees fans at the bar) – Bonus!

  13. I think Maggie’s Lobster Rolls – like everything on her blog – look gorgeous. I just may start adding jale#$$#@@^%penos to my recipe. Gloucester could use a new trend.

    • Joey C says:

      It’s amazing how far you’ll bend over and grab your ankles to kiss up to anyone who identifies themselves as a foodie, LOL.

      What are you looking for a new gig writing for Eat Boutique?

      Have some pride girl!

      They may kick you out of Rockport for saying that you’d prefer a celery roll with jalepenos and a touch of lobster rather than a straight up lobster roll!

      • This post and thread has provided much needed entertainment. As a native Ohioan, I had planned on coming up with a Lobster Roll laced with corn, in honor of both my home and adopted states. But Joey, I would never do such a thing as I would be afraid just reading the recipe would cause a burst blood vessel or two and none of us want that.

  14. Joe Testaverde says:

    Joey you have to excuse those folks from “God’s Country” THEY just don’t get it.

  15. HouseDoctors says:

    Long before I met Joey there was only one way to enjoy a true ‘lobster roll’ and the ‘Mrs’ has it dead on. The only difference in my house was that we made our own mayo.

    • blackswanbeth says:

      a bit o homemade bread (not too fancy see) and I think it could be the winner with the homemade mayo!

  16. What’s the big Deal?! It’s only a Lobster Roll. If you don’t like it, Don’t eat it! Plus they’re one of the ugliest creatures on earth.
    Like I have room to talk. :)

  17. blackswanbeth says:

    *LOL*

  18. 25 comments on Lobster Roll. Rodney King said, “Can’t we all get along?” I will close my eyes and try a jalapeño pepper. I’ve almost converted from Hellemans so who knows?

  19. The rabbit says:

    Friggen killen me here all I want is a day off to get some work done and lobster….Joey is dead on about this travesty…This is how you F up a good thing 101….YOU SAY ROAD TRIP BRO, TAIL WAGS…I WISH!!!!

  20. Joey, I enjoy your vehemence on this issue, I’m chuckling and getting a good kick out of you and the comments. Thanks for the smile I’m feeling right now, inside and out.

  21. Linda Colman says:

    HA!!!! 30 COMMENTS??? ABOUT LOBSTER ROLLS??? WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?? Never had a lobster roll myself, but I just put it on the top of my list of things to do while I’m visiting out your way in 3 weeks. I’m looking forward to my first bite.

    • Bill Hubbard says:

      And there is a place out on Melbourne Beach called NE Fish Restaurant that advertises a Lobsta roll and fills it with Spiney lobster meat – how do you spell BLAND! Not a bad restaurant, otherwise and they do have big-screen satelite TV for Red Sox, Patriots, Bruins and Patriots games.

  22. Beth says:

    Great way to start my morning – with a good chuckle, thanks all!! (btw, Joey’s MRS. does have it hands down! Simple is best…..)

  23. Bob Ryan says:

    The ingredients are there, just used wrongly. Take the lobsta, grilled hot dog roll, maybe mayo, and make your Lobster Roll. All the other ingredients, green, yellow, red, etc., blenderize, pour over ice with 2 oz. of Gloucester’s Beauport Vodka! It makes great sense to me.
    Cheers, and see you on the Rum & Cigar cruise on the Lannon!

  24. Nikki says:

    All you had to say was “it’s from California”.
    I am from Chicago and lived in California for many years. The very first time I made the mistake of ordering an Italian Beef sandwich at a restaurant out there, I was met with a response of “we have boiled beef, and we have BBQ beef. But, I don’t know if either are imported.”
    The facepalm was epic.

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