Category Archives: Ask Joey C

Magnolia Pier Debate Part 2 – Check out this video from 4 years ago — NO Barricades=Safer and More Fun!

4 years ago, I filmed people of all ages (from 5 years old to grandpa) jumping off Magnolia pier, with at least 3 people jumping for the first time — all the while there’s a game of “Pier Tag” going on too.  Pier Tag is impossible when the barricades are up. It’s time for the bureaucrats to man-or-woman-up, stop worrying so much about getting sued and remove the barricades to encourage kids, teens, adults, and grandparents to gather together in a safe, healthy place for some summer fun!  While you’re at it, put the ladders back too. Joey – you think we should have a pole about this?

Homie and Rubber Duck’s Fifth Anniversary

Five years since Rubber Duck and Homie met on that blustery day April 18, 2011. The Fifth is the wood anniversary. Homie gave Rubber Duck a carving of Homie. (Homie is a little self-centered.)

Homie would have carved it himself but he has no opposable thumbs.

Homie would have carved it himself but he has no opposable thumbs.

The following is a repost of Homie and Rubber Duck’s First Anniversary describing that fateful hook-up five years ago today.

Homie: “You’re not from around here are you? May I show you the cove?”

Solitude of the lonely Homie.

Cold, lonely, rubbery, but Patriotic!

A little stand offish at first.

They’re eyes locked and Homie was in love.

“So how many children should we have?” Homie wasn’t wasting any time.

“I have a lovely nest on Milk Island.”

You’re not listening to a word I’m saying!”

“We could make it work!”

“Do you think it’s safe to come out?”

Your friends are rude Homie.

Rubber Duck out on the Town at another Fred Bodin Christmas party.

I cannot believe it has only been one year since the Rubber Duck met Homie on a blustery day just like today, April 18, 2011. When I posted that first part of the Rubber Duck saga I was only joking about it being a twenty part series. Little did I know that maybe a hundred posts later the story is still not finished. To commemorate their anniversary I repost the first few chapters. Later this week will be an update of how Homie and Rubber Duck spent their day today. Part I posted April 18th, 2011:  (This will be a twenty part series.) Part II posted April 19th, 2011: But first, the back story. Two lonely birds:  But soon the connection was made and time stopped. ”  “I am so out of here!”  But Homie came back of course and took Rubber Duck all over. The Rockport Dump, Thacher Island lighthouse, Maine, Florida, meeting Santa when he arrived in Rockport, wine tasting at Passports, Duck Confit at Duckworth’s. Then, just a few months later, things got a little weird: Last sighting of RD was at the Spring Fling two weeks ago with rumors that she was at the Thirsty Golf contest at the DogBar last week when Joey caught her again staring at him.  Flexilis anatidaephobia is the fear that a rubber duck is staring at you and Joey has got it bad.

Uhm Hellooo Kim Smith. Read It And weep- The Men Of America Have Spoken

I believe I had this back in 2012 when they started to try to bring the look back-

Just Say No To Mom Jeans

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Joey C

And Now the Proof Is In The Pudding.   The Men of America Have Spoken, the full article really sums it up and is worth the click-

What Guys Really Think About Your High-Waisted Shorts

If you’ve been to a music festival/outdoor concert recently, you have 100% been exposed to the trend/epidemic sweeping the female nation: High-waisted jorts. Girls of all ages, body types, booty types, and textual orientations have been rocking these denim doozies with crop tops, fake flower crowns, and leather boots in 3,000-degree weather because fashion.
Read the entire article here

“Very rarely have I seen a girl in high-waisted shorts and been into it at all. For the most part, I think they make girls look like misshapen science experiments that’d you find in Sid from Toy Story’s bedroom. But hey, if they make you feel pretty, keep on wearing those diaper shorts.
-Aaron, 25

“They’re the absolute worst. It’s like a girl is trying too hard to be trendy in those. It looks like she decided to keep pulling up her shorts just because. I’d immediately try to rip those off of my girlfriend if she was wearing them. Not in the ‘oh rip these off and do me’ way. Like ‘seriously, take those f*cking shorts off.’”
-Andy, 31

Who Makes The Best Slippers For Men?

I’m looking for a nice comfy pair of slippers to keep my feet warm in the house but don’t want to wear moccasins and look like an Indian (feather not dot).

I’ve read about these boiled wool jobs from Halfinger-


Does anyone have any recommendations for anything that isn’t a feminine fluffy looking slipper that makes you look like you’re either an Indian (feather not dot) or wearing a poodle on your foot?



Behind the Scenes Of a GMG Podcast 09/15/2014

Yesterday I stumbled in on the taping of the GMG Podcast for 09/15/2014 with Toby Pett and Kim Smith.

This is the first podcast I can think of that part of it was Video Taped. A behind the scene look at how it’s done.

Joey was so glad to see me. Little ball busting at time 1:02

It was an interesting podcast that you should listen to.

Hey, Einstein!!

s97001 158

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, then what are we to think of an empty desk?”            — Albert Einstein


Ladies- Don’t Buy into The High Rise Shorts Thing

They’re mom-jean cut offs.

Saw these at Nordstrom the other day.

What do they think you’re stupid or something?  They have huge cargo container after huge cargo container ships loaded with excess Mom-jeans that noone will buy because they’re just so unflattering so they figure they’ll just lop off the bottoms and call them high-rise shorts thinking that you’ll fall for that?  It’s felt out insulting.

Nordstrom- be better than this.

2013-06-29 14.50.30

Duck Tour Question

Jonathan Olly asks-

Greetings Joey,

I have a minor photographic mystery for you.  I recently came across this postcard on eBay, showing a WWII DUKW emerging onto Pavilion Beach, with Ten Pound Island Light in the background.  Do you or any of your readers remember when these tours operated in Gloucester?  The caption on the back of the card reads "Amphibious duck ride from land to sea on a guided tour of Gloucester Harbor.  Leaving every half hour from Pavilion Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts."
Best regards,


Gloucester duck harbor ride postcard

I’m All In For Getting A Nut Tuck

the Daily Mail reports-

How George Clooney has inspired cosmetic craze for ‘ball ironing’ – that sees wrinkles removed from you know where…


George Clooney has repeatedly joked that instead of his eyes he gets the skin on his testicles ‘ironed’ out, but now it appears he’s inspired a new craze in Hollywood.

Cosmetic expert Nurse Jamie told MailOnline that she added ‘Tighten the Tackle’ to the list of services at her Santa Monica spa, Beauty Park, last year, and it has been a raving success.

Delicately describing the $575 non-surgical treatment, the blonde beautician says it involves using lasers to remove hair, erase wrinkles and correct discoloration on the scrotum.

Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that as I’ve aged, my boys aren’t hanging all high and tight like they used to be.  I’d long thought about getting a little nut tuck to smooth things out “down there” but now that my man George Clooney is endorsing it, I’m ALL IN!

$575 for the non-surgical procedure?  Chump change to freshen up the boys.

Which spa around here offers such services?  We can live blog the procedure.  Maybe do a whole pay-per-view deal.

Thanks George for being brave enough to come forward with your own ball ironing to make it acceptable for men with low hanging nuts everywhere to “tighten their tackle

myra dettelbach interviews the interviewer part 1

Myra Dettelbach a Junior at Endicott College was assigned to interview the most awkward looking blogger in Massachusetts.  After searching through dozens of blogger profiles she settled on the goofiest looking blogger with the largest bald spot Joey C. 

Here is part 1 of her interview with me.

George Carlin answers Joey’s “midget” question

Joey’s astute observation about our increasing overuse of euphemisms deserves more than a mere comment in support of his legitimate question.  My favorite answer to this issue (and the funniest, too) was given by George Carlin some years ago.  Check it out:

Now that the issue is settled, we can move on to the tremendous amount of fun we can all have this weekend.  Given two dozen terrific live music choices — with plenty of them early enough to bring the kids (or little people, if you prefer) you’d think we were in the height of Summer!  Check out the complete weekend live music schedule here.  (I’ll be sitting in on drums tonight at the Walker Creek Band 30th Anniversary Celebration).

Ask Joey C: Cocky Teen or Obnoxious Adolescent? With A Reader Poll

This just in to the Ask Joey Mailbag-

Horny 32 year old asks-

Hi Joey I’d like your opinion on a situation that just happened here at the restaurant.

I’m a server at #f%&(*^ Restaurant, I’m 32 years old and consider myself attractive.  Our barback has been attempting to make small talk more and more with me as he knows I’ve recently broken up with my long term boyfriend.  I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not because I don’t even think he’s 21 years old.  He’s attractive and polite but I’m over a decade older than him.

I will give him credit for his delivery.  In the course of our latest conversation he half jokingly/half serious suggested we get together and play darts and then we could go on a date.   What impressed me was his confidence in asking me out even though I’m much older than him and his delivery which left it open for me to accept or deny his advance without making it awkward the next time I see him at work.

Is it creepy for me to go out with him if he’s under 21 and I’m 32?

(Name withheld for obvious privacy reasons)

Joey C Response

Let me get right to the major points here.

I’m proud of this kid.  To be that far along in years to toss out that kind of delivery speaks volumes about his game.  He may be under 21 but his actions and delivery give him big time props in my book.  He’s also much less likely to fall asleep on your ass and take care of your womanly needs if you are more or less looking for the wham bam athletic kinda session or two.   What he probably hasn’t mastered at the tender young age of under twenty is how to please you in a slower oral down south kinda way (if you get my drift). 

It’s probably going to be more of a wham bam, hop on hop off situation.  But hey, if you were in a long term relationship that might be just what you’re looking for for a couple go-arounds and to get back in the saddle. 

Anyway I wouldn’t let the age thing get in the way if you’re just looking for some nookie and who’s to say only men can date younger women.  It’s not like you’re gonna marry the kid, by the sounds of things you’re just looking for some sugar.

Props to the youngster.  If he has the finesse and smarts to lay a line on you that smooth, why not give him a shot at the title?

#Boom! Sage Wisdom Right There Baby!




2 chances this weekend to be offended by somebody other than our boy Joey

Our boy Joey needs a break.

Between non PC humor and MFers dying, it should be clear that we’re heaping way too much stress on him during his vacation.

Really, folks, we all need to find someone else to complain about — and we need someone else’s sarcasm to soar right over our heads while we’re complaining.

Inge Berge to the rescue.  According to The Noise magazine, Inge’s music is “Odd, adventurous and compelling.”

Plus you get the added value that Inge’s sarcastic wit is wrapped in catchy pop tunes you’ll be singing all weekend.  Just don’t sing the lyrics to your mother-in-law.

You’ve got two chances to see Inge this weekend (tomorrow @ Dog Bar and Sunday @ Rhumb Line)  See this weekend’s complete live music schedule here.

The best way to get your fill of sarcasm+bitching-about-sarcasm is to request some of Inge’s most witty and sarcastic songs and then complain about how you’re offended by them.  Here are a few choice examples:

More Inge Berge videos here, including an inside look at the making of Shit Under Your Shoes.


Mary Page Turbine Question

Hi Joey

What’s with the wind turbines? Some days all three are motionless, another day only one is turning, today two of the three are in motion. Are the two in motion generating power for Gloucester Engineering and Varian, and what about the motionless one with the  blade so many of us signed? Will that be providing power for Gloucester’s municipal buildings? If so when? I’d like an update about the “three wise men” towering over Gloucester.

Thanks   Mary Page

Jesus I’m Disgusting- Male Armpit Hair Poll

I’m gonna spare y’all the nasty photograph of my armpit hair but I have a burning question that can only be answered with a thoroughly scientific GMG reader poll.

As I get older my armpit hair much like my nose hair is growing wildly out of control.  It’s disgusting.  While I regularly maintain the growth in my nose hair, crazy weird wayward eyebrow hairs and manscape my junk I’m a little leery about trimming my armpit hair.

I don’t think as a man you want to take that armpit hair down to the skin like a woman but do guys regularly trim their armpit hair?  I’m reaching out because I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to create a monster if I get started and then the stuff grows back three times more thickly and suddenly my armpits look like a really bad 70’s porno coochie.

Just taking off my shirt and *POOF* strike people with a big ol’  70’s porno bush. *KAPLOWIE*

So male GMG folk, how do you handle your armpit hair situation?  Do you trim away a little to keep in manageable?  Do you shave it right down like a Georgia peach? Do you let the stuff grow proud and braid it occasionally?

What is your armpit hair management situation if any?

Joey C Advice To Youngsters

There will come a day either in middle school or high school or on the street with friends that somebody offers you pills to get high.

Do yourself a favor and just never ever ever ever ever take one.  Not if it’s free, not if your friend or acquaintance makes fun of you or calls you a pussy.  Not if that really hot chick that you’ve been dying to get with is there and she is taking one.   There’s no freaking reason for you to take a pill recreationally.

Yes you’re young.  Yes you feel invincible and your testosterone and estrogen are doing crazy things to your body. But just trust me on this one.  I’ve seen smart good looking people that thought they would only take them once in a while just completely screw their lives up.  First you need one or two,, then one or two turns into four or six,  then your missing days at work, stealing from your parents to get money for pills, then you try the oxytocin, then the oxy becomes too expensive and while just a year before you would laugh at the idea that you would ever consider sticking a needle in your arm you have to get high and the only thing you can afford is a cheap bag of crack or heroin.

There’s no need to take pills.  None.  Not to look cool because some hot piece of ass broad is taking pills, not because your buddy is taking them, no reason.  No reason at all.

Please don’t consider this preaching.  Just consider it a friendly message from someone who wants the best for you.  I’ve seen handsome young men turn into walking dead zombies and I want better for you.  I’ve seen beautiful young women turn into crack ho’s with brown jagged teeth and sullen sunken in faces that made them look 30 years older than they were.

Oh, and stay in school for as long as you can pull it off, it’s wayyyy easier than working for a living.


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