MFers Dropping Like Flies


I’m shocked snd appalled.

Ordered up this tuna salad with Thai peanut dressing and there wasnt a single placard or mention on the menu reminding people to ask their server if the Tuna salad with Thai peanut sauce had peanuts in it for those poor folks afflicted with those sucky peanut allergies.

MFers are dropping like flies all around me. No doubt all from Massachusetts because obviously we need reminders on every table reminding people who have peanut allergies that they have peanut allergies. People are so backwards here on the islands.

I spoke with the manager and suggested they put signs on all the tables and menus to remind people with peanut allergies that they have peanut allergies but he looked at me like I had two heads. Hey, it’s his ass when the lawsuits come raining down on him from people with peanut allergies who order things that have peanuts in them because they weren’t reminded to ask their server if the food they were ordering contained peanuts. How could they be expected to remember to ask?

It’s only their life that hangs in the balance, Duh!


  • When you were a kid did you know ANYBODY with a peanut allergy? For much of grade school, I went to P.S. 13 in Yonkers NY with hundreds of other kids (maybe even a thousand — it was the middle of a big city) and every single one of them brought PP&J, or fluff, to school for lunch every day! You were a dork if you didn’t. Can somebody please explain to me what happened?


  • Similar ting happened to me. Ordered some Chowda, turns out there was fish in it (which I am allergic to). I returned the stuff and asked for a different kind of chowda, just “regular chowda” I told them. They return, and the stuff has clams in it, which, you guessed it… gives me the runs (technically not an allergy, but I’m just sayin). Where the hell can I get some normal chowda without fish or clams?
    P.S. Genius – new novel outta Glosta coming friggin soon


  • Glad to see you’re enjoying yourself so much on vacation, and that you haven’t lost your wit.


  • I’m just a see food eater. You know what I mean…


  • just dont understand why peanut allergies are running amuck…only kids i knew with allergies were allergic to dogs, cats or grass……


  • If you order Thai Peanut dressing I would think that by it’s name you would consider there might be peanuts in it. Chowder is made from fish if it’s fish chowder, clams if it’s clam chowder, and seafood if it’s a mix of both, I guess you could order corn chowder but if you are at a seafood restaraunt it would be purdent to ask if besides corn there may be seafood in the stock. If islanders have been eating this for hundreds of years and no one had dropped like a fly perhaps we ain’t so backwards as one might think. Also be careful at any Asian eating establishment if you have a severe allergy to peanuts as they cook out of seasoned woks, seasoned with peanut oil many times. I hope with a little common sense you enjoy a safe, healthy, and happy vacation.


  • Doesn’t peanut sauce already imply that there ARE peanuts in it?????? My brother, who has a peanut allergy, thought they did a fine job already stating the obvious. It’s not like they said “nut sauce” and didn’t imply which nut it was. That’s when he usually runs into trouble.


    • Really? You’re messing with me, right? Did you also really believe that people were dropping like flies all around me too?

      I guess I should have wrote out the Peanut sauce line a couple more times because I didn’t make the point obvious enough that people with peanut allergies shouldn’t need placards on tables and reminders in menus like we have all over Gloucester to remind them to ask their server if their dish has peanuts in it. If they have peanut allergies you would assume they would be responsible enough to ask without needing placards on every table or menu reminding them to ask.
      See it goes back to the whole personal responsibility thing.
      But I guess the point was lost. But yeah, here I am explaining it.
      Kinda loses the funny part when you have to explain the jokes.
      But I guess I should assume that a certain percentage of readers will take everything you write as serious reporting.

      Which leaves me to the point of trying to figure out what to do.

      Should I write a disclaimer at the top of the blog that says “I’m a monkey and please don’t take any of my inane ramblings as gospel. I’m just fucking around”

      Or should I just write the way I write and forget about having to explain even the most obvious of points to those who don’t get it.

      and lkl, please don’t take it personally that you didn’t get it. I’m guessing at least 20% of the readership when reading that thought to themselves “Wow Joey, you’re such an idiot. It clearly stated on the menu that you got the Tuna Salad with Thai Peanut sauce. Why wouldn’t you think it had Peanuts in it?” And not get that that was the whole point that people with peanut allergies shouldn’t need to be reminded to have to ask if something has peanuts in it. It should be automatic. Like the Master of the obvious point. And that’s also not to make light of Peanut allergies which totally suck and people can die of. I feel terribly for anyone who has them or has children afflicted with them They are for real. But as real as they are, you would think yet again that people who have them or have children who have peanut allergies would already to know to ask their server if the dish they were about to order had peanuts without needing a reminder placard or writing a reminder on the menu to ask their server if the dish they were about to order had peanuts in them.

      Did that sufficiently explain my position on placards on tables and reminders in menus reminding people with potentially fatal peanut allergies to ask their server if the dish they were about to be served had peanuts in it?

      You see its all about the placards on the tables.

      And the reminders in the menus.

      About asking people with peanut allergies to ask their server if the dish they were about to order.

      Had peanuts in it.

      Even though.

      You would assume.

      That people that had peanut allergies.

      Knew they had peanut allergies.

      And would not need.

      To be reminded.

      Without a placard on a table.

      Or a reminder in a menu.

      To ask their server.

      If the dish they were about to order.

      Had peanuts in it.

      Especially if it was potentially fatal.

      Now I wonder if the next person that comments is going to ask me if I really needed to go into this much detail to explain the original point in the original post about how obvious it was supposed to be because they didn’t get that by spelling it out over and over in this comment that that in itself is another joke about how obvious the original point was supposed to be but they didn’t understand why it needed to be explained in such detail.

      I’m a terrible writer if I can’t get my point across aren’t I?

      Now I’m sitting here wondering if I’m just that terrible of a writer that so many people don’t get my humor or if it’s on them.

      I wonder if all writers face this conundrum of trying to figure out if they should just write all dry straightforward copy or if they should push the envelope and maintain a certain edge. I don’t think I could do the blog day in and day out if it was just dry reporting. It would get so old so fast.

      Well Whateves. there you go.

      Any more questions about my stance on requiring placards on tables and reminders in menus for people that have potentially fatal peanut allergies to remind them to ask their server if the menu item they were about to order contained peanuts?

      Because I’d really like to go into a little more detail on it.



      • Joey, I really think you need a warning about the edge you’re trying to maintain in your writing — especially since you’re pushing the envelope. Everybody knows how much paper cuts hurt — and the ones that hurt the most are when you cut your tongue while licking an envelope — as if anybody sends letters any more.

        So if you’re going to be pushing envelopes AND creating an edge, well that sounds to me like it could be fairly dangerous and before anybody reads any more of your rants, don’t you think the least you could do is give them fair warning that they might get hurt by your edge?

        Look at it this way: they could be licking an envelope at the very same time they get one of your jokes (probably after reading one of your lengthy explanations, which can be even funnier than the original joke, with even more of an edge) and just as they’re about to burst into laughter that sharp edge cuts their tongue and blood splatters all over the screen. You don’t want that on your conscience do you? C’mon, man. Do the right thing and warn your readers like restaurants in MA do.


  • this is good! Cc


  • maybe you should ring a bell next time.


  • As someone with a peanut allergy it is not pretty when you have to give yourself a shot or give someone else in a dining place your epi pen, when I was in school if a kid had a reaction they used to say he or she was having a seizure, some foods have peanut or fish sauce in them and if they are not listed on the menu people can die as someone did at a Bertucci in Woburn a few years ago even after the patron asked the waiter if the meal was made with peanut oil. I always ask and only once did I almost die, by the way, it is not a pleasant way to go.


    • Donna its not about listing wether a menu item has it or doesn’t have peanuts or fish in it on the menu. It’s about requiring placards saying the following- “if you have a peanut allergy don’t forget to ask your server if your dish has peanuts in it”

      Isn’t that rather obvious?

      If you said to me restaurants must identify anything with peanut or fish sauce in it I could understand that.

      But if you have the allergy and you ask the waiter and they still don’t tell you then what good is the placard or reminder to ask?

      Placards posted everywhere reminding patrons to ask when they should already to know to ask is different than listing individual items on a menu that have allergic properties on them.

      That would make 100% more sense.

      Not requiring every restaurant to put a placard or reminder in the menu reminding you to ask.


  • this made my day! LOL… now enjoy your vacation!


  • My son in law is extremely allergic to peanuts He is very aware and cautious I have sympathy for him but it is part of him acceptiing life
    By the way I am drinking a coffee that states: “CAUTION THIS BEVERAGE IS EXTREMELY HOT” so there is danger lurking about every corner!


  • How about the placard stating raw or uncooked fish is “eat at your own risk” more or less. Was the tuna cooked? I love raw tuna, but some people can’t eat it.


  • It says Thai Peanut Sauce!! Of course it contains peanuts!


  • Pretty soon there won’t be enough room on the table for the food – have you ever read the disclaimers on ladders and blowdryers? They are too funny – do not use while sleeping, do not submerge in water – you have to wonder what kind of idiots made those warnings neccessary. We should just put up signs that say “Danger – living may cause death” and just cover all the bases.


  • wow. Apparently this is a pretty passionate subject!
    BTW Joey, I hope you and the Mrs. are having the best vacation ever.
    Most of us food allergy afflicted people are pretty hyper vigilant when dining out. I have gone so far as to create my own food allergy card listing said allergies which I hand directly over to the server before I even order. I don’t dine out often at all – maybe just a few times a year. However, I know what my own drill should be as soon as I step into a dining establishment.
    A good establishment will have the server go directly and consult with the chef or kitchen manager. They will then check their ingredients lists for all their dishes. They would then come back to the customer with suggestions of “stay away from” or an option of safe alternatives. A lame establishment will come back and say, well we can’t guarantee your safety. That’s because they were too lazy to check their food menu specs (if they even have any) and didn’t want to have to read labels on stuff in the kitchen. Those places usually never see me again, obviously.
    Many establishments have stepped it up regarding food allergy awareness. Getting back to your sarcastic point – some named menu items are pretty obvious on what to avoid…..


  • Wicked laughin here!


  • Man, I think I am going to need yet another week’s vacation in the Turks and Caicos just to relax after reading all these comments. Ouch – could I possibly be allergic to Conch? Grouper? Rum punch?
    Good news is, I heard that Brad Pitt and George Clooney ate all this and more at the Brad
    /Angelina wedding here and they still look pretty damn good. Best I can hope for, lol.


  • Joey enough with the peanuts enjoy your vacation


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