Breaking Freaking News: Gwenyth Paltrow Selling New Diet Book In Which You Can Eat Something Like Three Things

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Are people this stupid that they will buy this book? I mean really. You can basically eat salmon, hummus or vegetables. It seems the whole premise of this diet book is based on how few items you can eat.

You can’t eat lobster. No deep water fish like cod or haddock, no coffee, no eggs, no beef, no dairy, no wheat, no wine, no alcohol, no sugar.

Brilliant!

You know what? Screw Gwenynth MF Paltrow and her three item cookbook. I’m coming out with the Joey MF C Diet book if it’s that easy and I’ll make it so you can only eat two things. Stick that in your scrawny ass Gwenyth. By my math two is less than three and I’ll take my two over her three any day.

Here it is, (and if you read past this line you’ll be required by copyright restrictions to PayPal me $19.99 to be privy to my super advanced- “Less Ingredients Than Gwenyth Paltrow’s Diet Book-Diet Book”. Like the title?

Get Ready…..Wait For It………..

The Less Ingredients Than Gwenyth Paltrow’s Diet Book-Diet Book

Lobsters and Bloody Marys. All MF day long.

Oh and exercise. Get off your ass and move your body. Til you sweat. At least five times a week. Any movement. That makes you sweat. At least five times a week. See, if you’re sweating that means your heart rate is elevated and you’re burning calories.

Since you’re reading this you obviously know that you are obligated by penalty of law to pay me for the incredible amount of scientific research I put into this forward thinking diet book.
Guaranteed results or your PayPal payment refunded. Is Gwenyth MF Paltrow willing to back up her Diet Book like your boy Joey C?

$19.99 PayPal to your boy Joey MF C- Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

#BOOM!

About Joey C

The creator of goodmorninggloucester.org Lover of all things Gloucester and Cape Ann. GMG where we bring you the very best our town has to offer because we love to share all the great news and believe that by promoting others in our community everyone wins.
This entry was posted in Eats, Rant and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Breaking Freaking News: Gwenyth Paltrow Selling New Diet Book In Which You Can Eat Something Like Three Things

  1. Toby Pett says:

    will be down to the wharf, as soon as you return from the T&C’s with my “candy burner” and lobster/tamale pot…plus ample BM mix and plenty of ice and Luksosowa…let the sessions begin…I get it!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Sorry Joey, I’ve got to add a third item, dark, Very Dark Chocolate.

  3. Anonymous says:

    can we substitute margaritas? cactus rules in stupid diets..

  4. Anonymous says:

    dear Joey – this is Gwyneth Paltrow. Thanks for the publicity. I have three words for you.
    Perhaps you’d like to guess what they are. Guessing burns up hundreds of calories. Three kisses to you. Gwyneth

  5. S. Crown says:

    what’s the email address for payment…will you cover the paypal fee or do I?

  6. Anonymous says:

    Can’t…stop…laughing…

  7. Tim Holloran says:

    I read the first two things, and I was out of the running. My BASIC basic food group is coffee with booze in it.

  8. Rob Hall says:

    To be fair that are legitimate “elimination diets” out there for people who have chronic hard to diagnose health problems. The basic idea is that you eliminate all of the common foods that cause allergic reactions and slowly add foods back in to see how your body reacts to them.
    For example: http://gapsdiet.com/INTRODUCTION_DIET.html

  9. MAJack says:

    Brilliant advice Joey!

    Rumor has it that Ms Paltrow occasionally has a raisin (or 2) for desert.

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