On Behalf of Tired of Waiting-
My good friend “Lisa” started dating someone named “Ted” a few years ago who was separated and estranged from his wife. Last summer Ted got his divorce, and now Lisa says she wants to marry him. Ted is dragging his feet, has yet to pop the question, but proclaims his love and spends quite a bit of time with Lisa. Now Lisa is losing interest and feels as though she may have wasted her time waiting for Ted to pop the question, and that maybe he will never be ready for another marriage. She is flirting with other men, but not cheating, yet. What should I tell Lisa?
What should you tell “Lisa”? Seriously? The handwriting isn’t flashing in large enough neon letters in enough intensity for you?
If “Lisa” feels like she is wasting time only because she doesn’t have a wedding ring and flirting with other men then is she really in love with “Ted” to begin with, or is she in love with the IDEA of being married? I suggest it’s the latter.
If Ted isn’t ready to make a commitment to her then maybe she needs to back away a little and tell Ted that if he doesn’t think that he will ever be ready for marriage then she wants to be straight up with him that she may want to see other people. She needs to be confident and happy enough with herself and not feel like a wedding ring is the thing that will complete her. If her and Ted have a great time together then they can continue to hang out as close friends with benefits. If Ted isn’t willing to commit (and I’m not saying he should or shouldn’t be as he was still pretty recently divorced) then just be straight up with him. I’m not a fan of playing games.
I will tell you this- when it’s time for marriage if a guy is dragging his feet, he’s not ready.
When a guy is ready for marriage there is no hesitation, there is no-one he would rather be with, talk on the phone with and he will have wished he had the girl on lock down yesterday.
Unfortunately society puts a ton of pressure on men and women to get married especially as they get older even if they may or may not be ready. I think we all have seen how some elder aunts, mothers and married friends unfairly look at unmarried women in their thirties as if they should have pity on them. It’s too bad because this can lead people to enter marriage or seek a mate not because they are truly in love, but because of some stupid number of an age by which they are led to believe is when “normal” people wed.
Because “Lisa” is already flirting with other men then this leads me to believe she isn’t ready for marriage to “Ted” Ever think of that?
A man, a woman, a ring or personal possessions should not define a person. You have to love you first. When you love yourself you are strong enough to realize that without any of these things you can still be happy. Be independent, be strong and define yourself for you and I’m sure the man or woman that is right for you is going to love you all the more for that strength.
She would do them both a favor by taking my suggestion to either move on or agree to date other people. “Ted” might not see it that way at first but he also probably doesn’t know she’s going around flirting with other guys.
Rate this advice from 1-5 stars by clicking on the title of this post and clicking the appropriate star level under the post.
As always I appreciate your comments to this and any post on GMG and if you have an “Ask Joey” submission email it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org I assure you the questions will remain anonymous.
I’m also taking personal random act of kindness shout outs but none for businesses it is intended for everyday nice things.
I’m eager to read your responses.