Tag Archives: Relationship advice

What Are the Chances This Potential Relationship Works Out Based On This Phone Call?

PSA for all the single ladies and men out there-

This shit right here is textbook what not to do the night you meet a potential date.

Desperation? check

Too soon call back right after they met? check

Drunk as fuck? check

Guy makes up excuse that he has indigestion to get away from crazy chick? check

Girl has to be what, an 8+ to even consider the call back based on this phone call and even then only a booty call right?  But under those circumstances it can’t be worth it based on this level of crazy.  I mean this is the amorous drunk chick, can you imagine the psycho version of her after the guy drills her and doesn’t call her back? 

The horror.

Ask Joey C- Dating A Smoker

Dating a smoker asks-

Joey,

Do you date a smoker when you hate it but they are a quality person.  Everything about them is wonderful they just smoke?

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Dear “Dating a Smoker”

I guess you gotta ask yourself how hot they are.

You’re not talking about marriage, you’re talking about dating.  So if you’re all good with kissing an ashtray because they are an absolute smoke show in your eyes then go for it.  If you are used to dating sixes I figure the smoker would have to be an eight or better to make the juice worth the squeeze.   If you normally date fours they would have to be a six or better.  You can overlook a little smokers cough if they have a superstar ass or diamond shaped calves or a handsome face.

You have to feel terribly sorry for people addicted to smoking.  Seeing these poor bastards standing outside of restaurants in the freezing cold drizzling weather just to grab a smoke, stink up their breath, ruin their health and waste their money is sad.  No rational person continues to smoke when you take into consideration the countless negatives.

I should add that if kissing the ashtray mouth of the smoker makes you want to vomit you can throw all this advice out the window because I’m thinking there’s just no getting past it for you.

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For the youngsters out there that might be reading this-

Don’t start.

It isn’t cool to smoke.  Not one, not “only when you drink”.  It’s really never cool to smoke.  It kills, you stink, your teeth turn yellow, your clothes stink, your house stinks, you blow money you could be using to drive a nicer car, to save for your education, your retirement or nice vacations.  Just do yourself a favor and don’t get started.  After heroin it’s about the next highest thing on the stupid meter you could ever do to yourself.

as always send in your Ask Joey C relationship advice questions to goodmorninggloucester@yahoo.com

Ask Joey C With A Twist- “What To Do With a Wiper Blade Kisser?”

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EJ says that I need to answer the questions with a touch of the female perspective so I had an idea last night.  I will forward the questions that come in anonymously to two of our GMG contributors who will in isolation provide their advice.  I will not read their advice until I finish mine and then I’ll post all three responses and let you our readers decide which makes the most sense.  Maybe there will be some overlap, maybe they will be completely different.

The point will be that they will be from three completely different perspectives.

Here’s the question

Hey Joey,
I have a question that has been bothering me lately.  I met this wonderful man.  We get along very well, feels as if i have known him for years.  Every single time we make out i am instantly turned off.  He kisses like a windshield wiper…back and forth and back and forth with this firm, strong tongue.  This is so gross and such a turn off.  WHAT DO I DO?  Am i shallow and a horrible person if i end things with this person just because he is a shitty kisser?  I’m already a single mom and don’t need to teach another “thing” to another person.
Time for a new wiper blade?

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Joey C’s response-

Dear Wiper Blade Kisser Victim,

I can sympathize with you.  Back in 95 or 96 I had gone through a time period where I was dating a lot of women.  It came to a point that going from one woman to the next and not really having an established relationship had left me feeling empty.  I met a really nice girl who was physically fit, pretty, smart and came from a nice family.  She was also a virgin.

Dating a virgin who is younger than you is serious business as you don’t want to ruin the girl for other men but I thought enough of this girl that I completely respected her standing as a virgin even though she was already in college.  There would be no pressuring her at all.  The thing was as I found out very early on was that she was a terrible kisser.  I mean brutally horrible.  Like she would just mash her lips up against mine and not even use the muscles within her lips or anything.  It was like pressing your lips up against a piece of liver.

At first I was sort of excited by the prospect of being able to mold this girl into a sexual dynamo.  The idea of taking this very shy virgin and helping her become a woman was something I thought would be fantastic.  So we continued to date even though the act of rolling around in the sack was incredibly awkward.  Even though I was completely patient and never pressuring her about her virginity she made absolutely zero progress toward becoming the least bit better of a kisser.  She was terrible.  I mean terrible terrible.  So after about three weeks of zero progress even though we were spending lots of time together I knew I had to end it.

There was no way I was going to take this girls virginity knowing that this kissing thing wasn’t getting any better.  There are things I might go to hell for that I’d done in my youth but this wasn’t going to be one of them.  I ended the relationship with the classic “It’s not you, it’s me” routine and even though I’m pretty sure her friends thought the reason I broke up with her was because she was a virgin, I swear on my soul the virginity thing had nothing to do with it.  It was the inability to pick up even the slightest nuances of kissing.

So the point is that I’m not even sure “wiper blade kisser guy” is teachable in the first place.  If he’s a great guy and you feel like you’ve known him for years I would tell you that maybe you try to make the switch over to hanging out as friends.  It may or may not be difficult to make that transition but if you really like hanging out with him I feel like it’s you’re only option if you still want him in your life.


Next Up we have Good Moring Gloucester contributor Alicia Pensarosa and her perspective as a 29 year old in a long term relationship.  Alicia also has her own blog-www.MadcapStyle.com.

Alicia writes-

Dear Single Mom,

Do you throw out the whole car if the wiper blades are hindering your vision?  No, of course not, you just update the wiper blades.

A few simple pointers on how you prefer to be kissed could go a long way.  I suggest, you don’t tell him he’s a bad kisser (let’s not kill his ego), but rather show him what you like and what gets you going.  Kiss him the way you want to be kissed. Try slowing things down. When he’s doing it right use your body to let him know.  Practice, practice, practice. I’m sure if he’s really into you, he’ll respond to the cues and you can say bye-bye to wiper blade mouth.

Of course on the off chance that a little coaching doesn’t work, you have to decide if you’re really into him and you’d be willing to commit to a bad kisser. Can you give up some good kissing for an otherwise wonderful man?  Try picturing the rest of your life kissing wiper blade mouth- could you do it? And if you can’t, you’re not a shallow, horrible person; you’re just a woman who knows what she wants and won’t settle for less.


And for our third perspective we have Kim Smith, creator of Kim Smith Designs and married mother of two adult children.

Dear time for a new wiper blade,

No you are not a shallow and horrible person. Because you are turned off by something as intimate as kissing in the early stages of your relationship you are wise to question whether or not this man is a good fit for you.

Is he wonderful in every other way i.e., a wonderful lover (excluding kissing issue), wonderful to your child, loving, generous in spirit, and kind? If that is so then perhaps you could very gently, but confidently, say something like, “ I love to kiss with you; let’s try something different.” Perhaps he is misinformed and thinks his method of kissing is exciting. You could guide him in a way of kissing that is appealing to you, and make it exciting for the both of you. You suggest that you don’t want to teach another thing. Try not to look at it that way. You are in a new relationship with a guy you really like/love. Look at the kissing issue not as though you are teaching a child, but exploring each other intimately.

If you decide to stay with this guy, let us know how your relationship progresses.

Please rate the advice by clicking on the title of the post and clicking on the stars below the post on the page that opens.  One star for terrible advice and 5 stars for spot on.

Ask Joey C- Active Widow Asks About Dating

Active Widow asks-

I am a 65 year old widow. I am still active and live on Cape Ann. I am not sure how to go about dating these days, or how to start. Or should I even start?

While I feel very confident in how to answer many questions that come in, there are questions where I don’t feel qualified to answer.  This is one of these questions.

On one hand even reaching out to ask about how to go about starting to date makes me think she is interesting in getting out there.  On the other hand “Active Widow” ends asking if she should even start.  This leads me to believe that there is a certain hesitation. So perhaps our older readers can give some advice here from personal experience.

I like the idea of older folks dating and not just ending their romantic lives once their spouses pass but I imagine it has to be a very personal thing and there can’t be one answer that’s right for everyone.

I often wonder if people in their sixties lose their spouses and then start dating and end up having great sex lives.  Like are people in their sixties getting all freaky in these retirement communities?  Can’t you just see Wilford Brimley on the set of the classic 1985 movie Cocoon just drilling all the old broads in his trailer in between scenes?

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While I like the idea of older folks getting their groove on I don’t really even want to picture it to be honest.  Like the most gruesome thing any kid can ever encounter- “the dreaded walking in on your parents having sex horror”  it’s the same type of thing.  You’re happy if it’s happening but you  don’t want to know under any circumstances.

If anyone has been in this situation or knows people that have gone through this please chime in in the comments below this post.  If you can’t find the comment section because you subscribe to the GMG evening email, click the title of the post and you will see the comment section below the post.

Please send in your advice questions to goodmorninggloucester@yahoo.com they will sure to be kept anonymous.

Ask Joey C- Tired Of Waiting For A Ring

On Behalf of Tired of Waiting-

My good friend “Lisa” started dating someone named “Ted” a few years ago who was separated and estranged from his wife. Last summer Ted got his divorce, and now Lisa says she wants to marry him. Ted is dragging his feet, has yet to pop the question, but proclaims his love and spends quite a bit of time with Lisa. Now Lisa is losing interest and feels as though she may have wasted her time waiting for Ted to pop the question, and that maybe he will never be ready for another marriage. She is flirting with other men, but not cheating, yet. What should I tell Lisa?

What should you tell “Lisa”?  Seriously?  The handwriting isn’t flashing in large enough neon letters in enough intensity for you?

If “Lisa” feels like she is wasting time only because she doesn’t have a wedding ring and flirting with other men then is she really in love with “Ted” to begin with, or is she in love with the IDEA of being married?  I suggest it’s the latter.

If Ted isn’t ready to make a commitment to her then maybe she needs to back away a little and tell Ted that if he doesn’t think that he will ever be ready for marriage then she wants to be straight up with him that she may want to see other people.  She needs to be confident and happy enough with herself and not feel like a wedding ring is the thing that will complete her.  If her and Ted have a great time together then they can continue to hang out as close friends with benefits. If Ted isn’t willing to commit (and I’m not saying he should or shouldn’t be as he was still pretty recently divorced) then just be straight up with him.  I’m not a fan of playing games.

I will tell you this- when it’s time for marriage if a guy is dragging his feet, he’s not ready.

When a guy is ready for marriage there is no hesitation, there is no-one he would rather be with, talk on the phone with and he will have wished he had the girl on lock down yesterday.

Unfortunately society puts a ton of pressure on men and women to get married especially as they get older even if they may or may not be ready.   I think we all have seen how some elder aunts, mothers and married friends unfairly look at unmarried women in their thirties as if they should have pity on them.  It’s too bad because this can lead people to enter marriage or seek a mate not because they are truly in love, but because of some stupid number of an age by which they are led to believe is when “normal” people wed.  

Because “Lisa” is already flirting with other men then this leads me to believe she isn’t ready for marriage to “Ted”  Ever think of that?

A man, a woman, a ring or personal possessions should not define a person.  You have to love you first.  When you love yourself you are strong enough to realize that without any of these things you can still be happy.  Be independent, be strong and define yourself for you and I’m sure the man or woman that is right for you is going to love you all the more for that strength.

She would do them both a favor by taking my suggestion to either move on or agree to date other people.  “Ted” might not see it that way at first but he also probably doesn’t know she’s going around flirting with other guys.

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Rate this advice from 1-5 stars by clicking on the title of this post and clicking the appropriate star level under the post.

As always I appreciate your comments to this and any post on GMG and if you have an “Ask Joey” submission email it to me at goodmorninggloucester@yahoo.com  I assure you the questions will remain anonymous.

I’m also taking personal random act of kindness shout outs but none for businesses it is intended for everyday nice things.

I’m eager to read your responses.

Ask Joey C- Tired Girlfriend Asks

Tired Girlfriends asks-

My boyfriend is very affectionate in the evening, and wakes up every few hours with certain needs. Now, on one hand he is very loving and always satisfies my needs too, but on the other I end up being very tired at work the next day. How can I tell him that just once in while I want to actually sleep for more than 3 hours at a time? 

Alrighty then Tired Girlfriend.  What you’ve got here is a gift horse.

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”

Meaning

Don’t be ungrateful when you receive a gift.

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You’ve got yourself a horny boyfriend that adores you.  He is loving, he isn’t just hammering away at you and then rolling over as you pointed out, he is taking care of your needs as well. 

I get that you might be a little sleep deprived but as he is your boyfriend I’m assuming you’ve been together for a couple years or less.   You are still in the honeymoon phase.  Be thankful for getting that loving attention as there are many folks out there that get married and their sex life trails off considerably.

My guess is that after a little while the nookie or the occasional nudge in the culo will subside to the frequency that may afford you a bit more sleep but in the meantime I suggest you revel in the intimacy.

There are many out there that would love to have such sleep deprivation problems.

Ask Joey C- Concerned Mother Has Daughter Who Dates Losers – I Need Help On This One Folks

Concerned Mother writes-

My daughter really goes for the underdog (ie. losers). How can I gently encourage her to set her sights higher without seeming like the overbearing mother?

My advice?   Normally I can bang out relationship advice all day long but my two little girls aren’t to that dating stage yet and I really don’t know what to say.

Like I know you want to keep the lines of communication open between you and your daughter.  I know you could potentially say things to her, calling the guys she’s dating a loser when they have a fight and then they make up, she tells the guy what you said and then the guy spends the rest of his living days trying to convince your daughter what a terrible parent you’ve been.

I get all that but I just don’t know that I have what it takes to sit back and watch some douchebag take advantage of one of my girls.

So I’m throwing this one out there to our informed and brilliant readership.  What would you do?