Category Archives: Rant

Way to be, Jack Ass!

I guess for someone, stealing is easier than working for it.  And from kids nonetheless. Allow me to explain.

If you’ve browsed any of my previous posts here on GMG, you’ve probably come to know a few things about me.  You probably know that I’m long winded (does that actually apply to writing?) and you’ve probably gotten to “know” my two young boys….and maybe you’ve learned that they love the ocean.  More than loving it, they work hard at being budding little lobstermen, and they’re pretty passionate about it.

If you haven’t seen it yet, maybe this will help paint the picture

Young and Salty

My boys, along with their three great friends…on our friends’ boat, go lobstering typically twice per week all summer long.  With only ten traps, they certainly don’t do it to make money….they do it because they love it.  And, they do it for Lobsterfest!  Once each summer (maybe twice if we’re lucky)… we gather our families and some of our local friends, and we have a feast to end all feasts. More importantly, we have laugh after laugh, in one of the most picturesque towns I know.  It is, without a doubt, one of our favorite evenings of the entire summer.

We check the tide chart….we check our busy summer schedules…and we pick a day.  This summer…that day was Saturday.

The kids feel tremendous pride that their hard work supplies the Stars of the Show:  The Rockport Harbor Lobsters!  They feel tremendous pride that our guests….friends who have watched them grow, learn, laugh, and cry…gather to enjoy a quintessential summer evening and “oooh and ahhhh” over their bounty! They feel tremendous pride in being such a huge part of such a special tradition.

So, maybe you can imagine our shock and dismay to discover that THE lobsters had been stolen from the water on Friday night.  Holding tank and all.  Gone.  As a friend put it, “It’s like losing your uniform the night before the Big Game.”  The night before Lobsterfest.

I get that maybe the thief wasn’t aware that those lobsters had been slowly gathered by a group of dedicated children…and their two amazing dads.  Two dads who take the time to show those kids how to haul and set their gear.  Two dads who, while they love lobstering with the kids, may actually prefer to cast a few rods, set an anchor at the beach, or play a round of golf on a few more occasions, rather than continuously tend to the traps.  Or maybe they wouldn’t rather do those things, either way, that isn’t the point.

The point is, Stealing is wrong…and I’m pissed.

“The children must be crushed!” you may be thinking.  Well, actually, the children don’t know.  Luckily, those two amazing dads also had the wherewithal to not let the children know that someone had stolen their lobsters.  They would have been beyond devastated.  They would have been hurt.  They probably would have been confused.

Those two amazing dads also didn’t want our guests to know that they had to scramble and buy lobsters in the eleventh hour.  They certainly didn’t want any guests to run out and purchase lobsters themselves….not that any of those guests would have minded!  Lucky also is that Cape Ann is the type of community where friends rally for each other.  Lucky also is that, having lived here forever, those two amazing dads have people who were happy to help them and that getting enough lobsters to feed our friends was possible.

So, Lobsterfest was a giant success.  Those little “lobsterkids” are none the wiser and, while we’re still mad, it would take more than a small time thief (Jack Ass) to ruin a wonderful summer evening with such amazing friends.  Still, shame on them.

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With Blog-Colored Glasses

 

A few people have asked me lately how I like contributing to the blog and while I’ve answered in better detail, the answer that is actually screaming inside my head is, “Cigarette Butt at Panera!”

“What in all holy heck?” you may ask.  Well, allow me to explain.

Since I started contributing to GMG, I have discovered that intentionally or not, I look at things differently. Things that I may not have thought twice about, or even noticed, are now potential blog posts.  I rate funny things I hear in everyday conversation as “blog worthy…or not so blog worthy.”  Friends are beginning to learn that they can’t have a bite of their food or a sip of their drink before I photograph it.  Even my own children ask, “are you going to put that on the blog?” when something makes me chuckle.  I have found myself parked on the side of the road on Nugent Stretch at 7:25 a.m. because we know that there will be a train barreling alongside of us at 7:26.  While I thought that video would be “blog worthy” it wasn’t as cool as it is in real life.  I’ve found myself turning the car around to go back and try to capture a particular shot…and I’ve found myself photographing porta potties because I thought they’d make somebody laugh.  I’m self diagnosed as “apostrophe intolerant” in that I feel mildly queasy when apostrophe’s are misused.  See what I did there?  If I ever send out a Christmas card that says, “Love the Schrafft’s” shoot me.  So, I have found myself noticing grammatical errors on menus, store signs, and even on a window of a local restaurant and thinking, “does that make a decent blog post?”  I told someone that I find myself looking at things through “blog-colored glasses.”

I digress.  Back to the cigarette butt at Panera.  With my older son off on a play date and the little guy in dire need of new baseball card holders for his big binder of cards, we headed out to Staples.  After waiting in line for an eternity behind a woman with what felt like hundreds of questions (and pondering, “is this the makings of a blog post?”) we felt we had earned a Panera Mango Smoothie and Frozen Lemonade.  I distracted Finn as we walked past the minefield of baked goodies in the display case in hopes of keeping his eyes on the prize.  Five minutes later we were headed back into the sunshine and I was enjoying some long overdue one one one time with my boy.  As I watched him hold the door for a lovely older woman, with a smoothie the size of his head in his mitts, and was in the midst of a “what a good boy he is moment” I looked down and saw a cigarette butt at his feet.  Finn’s keen little eyes spied it at the same time.  Not uncommon you may think, right? 

Allow me explain this a bit better, so you can maybe understand why I found it offensive.   When you enter Panera, you go through two doors.  You’re on the sidewalk…you open a door…you take 3 steps… and you enter another door…this time leading into the actual restaurant.  Someone had taken it upon themselves to chuck their cigarette butt down, right there on the carpet for the love of fire hazards, between the two doors.  I mean, if you have to chuck your cigarette butt on the ground with the wildly inaccurate assumption that it isn’t actual garbage, then at least do it outside!  Why in hell would someone chuck a cigarette down on a carpet….1/2 way inside a restaurant.  I have an issue with cigarette butts being discarded anywhere other than an ash tray anyway.  I have nothing against cigarette smokers, just their assumption that it isn’t trash. I am equally addicted to my cup of morning coffee…but, I’d never throw the cup on the ground.  Likewise, on a similar scale, I might not say “no” to a Hershey’s Kiss…but I wouldn’t throw the little silver wrapper on the ground when I was done.  Little or not…it’s still trash.

So I looked at the cigarette butt, Finn looked at the cigarette butt, and then a man began to enter and we stepped out of his way.  In my head I was thinking, “go back…take a photo…blog post in the making”…but I was carrying a smoothie, holding my little bag and my car keys, and enjoying a moment with Finn in which he deserved my full attention.  But, wouldn’t you know that as soon as he was buckled in and I had started my car, the little guy said, “Mama, you should have taken a picture of that cigarette trash and put it on the blog so more people would know not to do that.”  Cigarette Butt at Panera.  Enough said.

And….since I didn’t photograph the cigarette butt…here’s a photo of some serious porta pottage.  Caption it if you’d like!!

 

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Gloucester Welcoming Center Open House Thursday 5:30pm — YOU SHOULD BE THERE

So, you don’t think you benefit from tourists coming to Gloucester?  Well …. do you like: having a choice of world-class restaurants you can walk to; our extraordinarily hot music music scene in all kinds of venues, including schooners; guaranteed parking at some of the most gorgeous beaches anywhere on Earth all summer long for only $20; living among award-winning museums, studios & galleries, Broadway-quality theatre; a thriving cultural economy … I could go on and on … OR perhaps your an artists, musician, photographer, writer, actor, chef, carpenter, plumber, contractor, fitness instructor, diver, ship’s captain, etc … OR  you own or work in a hotel, restaurant, gallery, museum, boat, theatre, school or any retail store in Gloucester … or your business supports these people, like a lawyer, accountant, banker, realtor … Let’s face it, there’s really no business nor person in Gloucester who doesn’t benefit directly when tourists come here to share the City we all love.  So come to Stage Fort Park on Thursday and see what the good people who work so hard to make tourism possible do every day to make your life better!

Stage Fort Park Open House invite(2)

Not So Common Courtesy

I thought twice about writing this post (maybe even three or four times) because I didn’t want to seem all self-righteous and “I’m so awesome” because I’m not….but rudeness seems to be following me like my back pocket these days, and I simply couldn’t fight the urge any longer.  I just don’t get it.  I am F…A…R. from perfect and have enough flaws and faults that we could make it a full fledged category here on GMG (don’t get any ideas, Joey).  Just ask my husband.  Likewise, my boys have plenty of skills that could be worked on.  Lately, though, I have been more than the average dose of disheartened by the interactions that I’ve had “out there.”  The thing that started to push me over the edge is something that has chronically happened to me for years….making me wonder if, indeed, I am actually at fault.

Scenario #1:  Aisle of any given store.  Me: Heading one way.  Another shopper: Headed towards me.  Me: “Sorry. Excuse me” while we jockey for space to get by each other.  Other shopper: Nothing.  Nothing!  Crickets!  As if I was actually at fault!  Why am I always the one saying, “excuse me“??  Aren’t we both equally responsible for sharing the aisle?    Maybe I open myself up for being at fault by saying “sorry“….because that is probably a bit much?  Maybe I should just stick with “excuse me.”   Well, I’ve done that too.  Still….crickets!  How is it that I never hear, “no worries“or “excuse me too“?  Sometimes, the lack of response even comes with a quick glance that almost implies, “You’re darn right you should excuse yourself!  This aisle is all mine!”   Which I get, I don’t shop a lot.  I’m not a “regular” anywhere when it comes to shopping.  Well…my Amazon account and J Crew card would disagree, but they don’t have aisles.  Oh, and when I’m talking about said aisles, I’m not talking like Vineyard Vines… where I would expect to be looked upon with a bit of pity or quickly dismissed because my grosgrain ribbon belt doesn’t match the whale on my cardigan and headband.  (Before you write in…I’m kidding….I don’t really think it is ok to treat customers or fellow shoppers like that even in establishments like VV…and, for the record, my belt, cardigan, and headband always match…kidding, again).  I, to get back to my original point, am talking about places like Market Basket, Staples, Michael’s Craft Store, and Sports Authority.  Do these people really think they have more right to these aisles than I do?

Scenario #2:  Door Holding.  And lack there of.  I ALWAYS hold doors.  Sometimes too much so.  By that I mean that sometimes the necessity to hold doors is actually questionable.  Like, sometimes the next person is a good clip away and I think, for a second, “Do I really need to stand here and hold this door for them or should I let it go?”  Often though, in that space of a thought, I’ve inadvertently made eye-contact with the next person, and then feel obligated to stand there for a slightly awkward period of time.  Efff.  Insert Chariots of Fire slow motion music….and awkward wait period.  However!  What is up with all of the times that I hold doors for people and they DON’T say, “Thank you?”  Seriously!!  What in the world is wrong with people!  Does this happen to anyone else or just me!?  Blasted common courtesy, people!  I know that I didn’t hand you $1.000, but come on!  Likewise, I don’t do it for the “thank you” but when the other person acts like it is my purpose in life to stand and hold a door for them, I get pissed.  I won’t even bother getting into the lack of door holding and my secret ill-wishing towards those who let doors slam in the faces of my young children.

Scenario #3:  Driving Etiquette.  Turning into parking lots.  This indeed may be pushing it, because if you were to read the actual laws-of-the-road, these people are in the “right”, but I don’t think so.  I can’t tell you how many times I have been waiting, with my directional on, to turn into a parking lot across a lane of on-coming traffic only to finally see an oncoming car put their directional on to turn into the same parking lot and have thought “oh, good, they’ll let me go“(because now I’m starting to feel bad for the back-up of cars behind me) …..only to have them sneak in in front of me.  I know they probably really have the right of way….but, doesn’t common courtesy dictate, “hey, that person has been trying to turn in there for quite a bit now, and even though they’re in the opposite lane, they were here first, so maybe I’ll let them go???”   I accidentally did that to someone at Dunkin Donuts once and then bought their coffee in the drive-thru because I felt so bad.   And, for the record, if someone actually did let me go…I’d wave an appreciative “thank you.”  Just sayin’.

So, why rant now?  What brings this all to a head, you may ask?  A trip to the zoo, I would answer.  I love kids.  I love my kids, I love my students, I love my friends’ kids.  What I don’t love is kids that run freakin’ wild in public while their parents ignore them like crazy….so much so that they ruin other people’s fun.  Yesterday, there was a group of kids barreling between exhibits while shouting and hollering at the zoo.  I realize that I expect too much from my own children when it comes to manners in public…I absolutely border on the “strict” side….and I might even go so far as to say that sometimes I hamper their fun because I expect them to let other children have a turn too quickly or I make them wait longer because someone else’s child has cut them in line and I’d rather they take the high road.  I’m working on getting better at that.  That having been said, I have a super low tolerance for other parents who let their children act rudely in public.   This same group of children kept jumping in front of other children and one of them ran right into a lovely grandmother who was trying to show her grandchildren the jaguar.  No one told him to apologize…and it was kind of a rough hit.  Another snatched a view finder right out of a little girl’s hands.  No one told him to wait his turn.  Later, I watched a boy finish a snack and drop the wrapper on the ground.  WHAT!!??  Then, on the playground, this entitled little 5 year-old or so, snapped at Finn….who was soooo in line before her for a turn on the little zip line thing, and actually put her hand up in his face and said “I’m next“.  She then complained that “that kid (meaning my other son) left the bar 1/2 way across and I can’t reach it now” to me and added, “Can you get it?”.  To which I said, “Come on Finn.  We’ll come back when she’s done trying to have her turn” and walked away.  Where were little bossy pant’s parents….no idea?  Ironically, just 10 minutes later, when my boys wanted to ride the little train, we found bossy pants sitting mid-train crying like crazy because “she wanted to sit up front in the engine and it isn’t ffffaaaaiiiirrrr.”  Still not sure which parents in the crowd were hers.  But, I am sure that no one was telling her to “enjoy the seat she had or feel free to get off, but either way stop screaming” like I would have done.  My boys chose to wait until the next ride.  A much quieter one.  And sat in the engine.

And then lunch.  I’ll make it quick.  Picture if you will, two clearly marked cans.  A blue one that says, “Bottles and Cans Only” in large letters across the top…with a recycling symbol on it and a brown one with no words.  Wouldn’t you know that just as my 4-year old was done recycling his water bottle a lady came and dumped all of her trash…ketchup covered french fries, napkins, remnants of hamburgers, chicken fingers, drink cups, you name it….right into the recycling can.  Dumbass.  Ummmm….and allow me add…it was Earth Day.

I’d like to finish by saying that I am well aware there is an ocean of lovely, well-mannered people out there…including all of you, but for some reason, the way my stars have aligned, I seem to be missing them.

The “American Blogger” Documentary May Be The Biggest Crock Of Shitake Mushrooms Ever

I first saw this video on Barstool Sports but I’m thinking the whole thing has to be a joke, right?

Like a documentary is supposed to capture people in real life, if you watch that trailer you would think that the only people that blog are wealthy privileged female designers whose houses are spotless. Was there even one guy in the whole lot?

I feel like the whole trailer was something made up for The Onion or some satirical Saturday Night Live Skit where in the very next scene all these women hop on unicorns after farting out rainbows.

Somehow us lumping trailer loads of stinky herring at 5AM didn’t make the cut ;)

Where do you fall on the Whole Colbert/Park Thing

Anyone who has watched The Colbert Report more than once understands that his whole schtick revolves around being outlandishly satirical. This woman Suey Park claimed to have been a fan of the show for years but took offense to a bit he did in which he was poking fun of the Redskins owner for offering up a token amount of gifting to Native American Indians just after he said he would be sticking with the name some considered racist (The Washington Redskins). She started an internet petition to get The Colbert Report TV Show cancelled unless he apologized.  So Colbert making fun of The Redskins owner satirically was lost on this woman, or was it?  Did she not get the satire or did she see the opportunity to raise a big stink even though deep down she knew it was satire, the same satire he had used to poke fun at politicians for over a decade. Here’s more on that-

I don’t expect my mom to get the joke.  But someone that young and someone that supposedly has watched the show for years has to get it. Read the quote and tell me that that is a serious statement that anyone not using satire would use on national television. colbert You probably know where I fall on this-  Just another person that uses the internet to bully using political correctness and in this case it’s even more ridiculous because the victim, Colbert was using the example to make fun of the very same type of racism that you would think she would rail against. She’s no idiot, she knows this, but her desire to get “internet famous” is more important to her than recognizing publicly that he was poking fun of people she would consider racist.  If she’d watched the Colbert Report for all the years she did like she claimed there’s no way she didn’t understand his whole act of making outlandish statements to poke fun at the ones who would actually say them and mean them.

This tweet from Brad Fitzgerald-

Stupid people make me angry. . Satire is meant to highlight ignorance, but when you take it seriously, you just look stupid.

I don’t think Suey Park is stupid.  I think she completely understands that The Colbert Report was making fun of Dan Snyder but her desire to gain notoriety is more powerful than her desire to recognize that fact.

 

“Asinine” is Clearly Missing an Important Letter “s”

If anyone happens to be looking for further proof that “asinine” should really be spelled “assinine” take a few spins around Blackburn or Grant Circle.  It’s fun.   I, for the record, will continue to spell “assinine” incorrectly, no matter how many times spell-check tells me I’m wrong, because, honestly, if there is a word that begs for a more appropriate spelling, “assinine” is it!

Today’s proof that “assinine” is missing an “s” is dedicated to the donkey who thought that even though he was on the inside of the circle, and even though I was on the outside of the circle and clearly exiting the rotary to head home to Rockport, he should feel free to speed up, slice his way in front of me with a couple of inches to spare, and then throw his hands up in disgust…indicating that he believed I was in the wrong.  ASSinine.  See my point?

I’ve been commuting from Rockport/Gloucester to Beverly for 20 years now….5 days a week, if not more.  To and from.  Many, many go rounds those roundy-rounds.    I’m not going to lie, I kind of do it on autopilot because it seems somewhat obvious which lane you should be in…depending on where you are planning on exiting the rotary.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve learned to not overestimate anyone’s common sense, and I am always on the look-out for assinine moves by other drivers, but yet, it still amazes me.  Now, I know what many of you are thinking.  “Lay off.  Rotaries can be tricky.  The poor guy was probably from out of state.”  NO…GO.   Rockport sticker proudly displayed.  Rotary savy, my friends…let’s get on board.

So, as a mere public service message (not at all a sarcastic rant) I am posting the RMV’s rules for operating a motor vehicle on a rotary here in the state of Massachusetts.  Possibly “said driver”, and other assinine drivers, may want to take a gander.  And then, for your viewing pleasure, see how Chevy Chase handled it.

Mass RMV tells us how to drive on rotaries

Mass RMV tells us how to drive on rotaries

 

 

 

Here’s your chance to tell the Government what you think of them spying on you

Normally I write about music in this blog.  But this is a blog — and the fact that you’re reading this post has most likely just been logged into an N.S.A. database, along with lots of other info about what you’ve been doing just now, including where you are, every email you’ve just sent and read, what other websites, photos and blogs you’ve just visited, all the texts and phone calls you’ve made today, and so on and so on . . .  Does this make you a tad uneasy?  It should.  So here’s a chance to do something about it.  Perhaps I’m being optimistic (I’ve been accused of that before)  but I’ll bet Congress and the White House are a little worried about what we all think of their rampant invasion of our privacy.  That’s why they’re asking us what we think — and it’s why they’re trying to deflect our fear of them and point that fear toward technology itself.  Watch this video of former Clinton Chief of Staff, John Podesta as he tries to do just that:

Don’t let them get away with it.  Go here and fill out the survey.  Be sure to put something in their comment field labeled, “Is there anything else you’d like to tell us about your thoughts on this issue?”  Be bold and don’t worry; it won’t increase the government’s surveillance of your actions.  There’s really nothing more they can do that isn’t already being done.  Here’s an excerpt of what I put in:

I found Councelor Podesta’s remarks a clever, but thinly veiled attempt to shift focus from our government’s vast and terrifying overreach to fear of technology in general.  Technology isn’t the problem.  The problem, revealed by Edward Snowden (whom I firmly believe will go down in history as one of America’s greatest modern heroes — on par with Martin Luther King) is that our leaders, including President Obama, have flouted the Constitution they swore to uphold and continue to conduct an insidious invasion of our privacy in the name of security. 
 
This situation seems upside down to me.  We let large companies collect vast amounts of data on us in return for the convenience of making phone calls, searching the Internet, communicating via email, text, etc. What we need is a government who protects our privacy by ensuring those companies keep that data secret and secure and don’t misuse it. Instead, what we’ve got is a government who secretly demands that those companies turn our private data over to them and then forbids those companies from telling us they’ve done so.

If you want to make a living playing music, you have to make a living playing music!

One of my favorite local stars, Inge Berge, shared a post on his Facebook page about this “Call For Performers” by the city of Yellowknife, NT in Canada:

As we head into Gloucester’s spring/summer/fall busy season, I’m glad he brought this topic up because that’s often when musicians are asked to play for free in return for “exposure.”

I don’t expect musicians to perform for free, because I don’t work for free.  Actually, the last time I asked any musician to play without pay (except for passing the hat) was when Vickie and I were helping organize the first Block Parties in 2008, at which I played for free too.   And that was only because everyone involved in starting the Block Parties donated their time.  By last year  (could have been 2012) the Block Parties had evolved to the point where the Block Party Committee raises money and pays musicians.

Don’t get me wrong, I do volunteer my time for various causes that I feel are worthwhile — and I sometimes work for trade.  But in every trade case, I’m getting something in return for my work — something of equal value to the value of my work.

Next time somebody asks you to play for free, ask “What am I getting in trade?”  If the answer is something like, “Oh, you’ll get great exposure,”  my advice is just say no.

Lugging your gear into your car, driving to the venue, setting up, breaking down, loading your gear back into your car and driving home would be enough to demand some pay (at least what stage hands get).  Then there’s performing, which (among other things) requires years of practice, tremendous dedication, a willingness to trust your artistic instincts and … talent.  That should be reserved only for those occasions where the people who’ve asked you to perform value the fact that you’re digging deeper into the human soul than most people ever get and sharing what you find with the rest of us. 

I could rattle off a dozen reasons why mere “exposure” is no where near enough compensation for performing — and the first one that comes to mind is that if you’re playing anywhere on Cape Ann, you can get plenty of free exposure right here on GMG and on gimmesound.com.

Plus, because you don’t want to play to an empty room, you’ll probably plug the event on your own social media pages, which gets free exposure for the people who’ve asked you to perform in the first place.

Feel free to share this post with everybody who asks you to play for free …

Downton Abbey: That’s All Folks (Until Next Year…)

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I grimace because I care…

Season 4 of Downton Abbey is over, and as much as I love to complain about its soap opera excesses, I’m gonna miss now it’s gone. I’m already looking forward to next winter, when the millions of us who watch this show can once again spend January and February with the Crawley family and their servants. In Season 5, will viewers get to see Mary’s decision about which one of her suitors to marry? For my money, I think it will be the Pigman. Mary will steal him away from Edith and together, Mary (Lady Pigman to you!) and her man will raise pigs and make so much money for Downton Abbey by selling bacon rashers that the old home place will never be in financial trouble again.

For my full rant, feel free to head over to my blog by clicking the link…

Now Knowing That This Year’s World Cup Soccer Tourney Is Being Held In Brazil- An Over/Under Death Poll

Craig Kimberley told me yesterday in the GloucesterCast Podcast that this year’s World Cup Soccer tournament is being held in Brazil.

After seeing some of the riots that happen at regular season soccer matches in Brazil I can’t even begin to imagine how many deaths will occur given the elevated emotional state that World Cup Soccer brings.

I’m gonna pin the line at 500 fan deaths and 2.5 Soccer Ref deaths.

Good times.

 

After thinking about it I think the frustration comes from not understanding the thought process…

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I think the thing that frustrates me the most about people refusing to perform simple internet searches and asking others to do it is the not really understanding the psyche behind people asking other people to search the web for them.

It seems like the simplest and most direct route for someone to find answers.  For example:  If someone couldn’t find a post that had been written on GMG yesterday, last week or last year they could go two routes, right?

Route 1  They either search on the GMG Search box or if they didn’t know it even existed they could point their internet browser to Google, type in the search term and get the answer within 30 seconds.

Route 2: They write an email to me, wait til I actually have time to read it, perform the internet search for them, copy the results, email them back.  Could take anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple days before I get through the emails that come in.

Now knowing how much quicker it would be to just perform the search themselves I just have to ask myself why?  Why in the world does someone refuse to perform the search themselves?

Now we all know those people who pride themselves on “Not being a computer person”. Not the feeble minded ones, but the genuinely smart people in every day lives that are really really smart and successful but they wear the “I don’t have a smartphone” badge like it’s something to be proud of.  These are the type of people who would bite their nose off to spite their own face.  If you have a smartphone (and it’s not about money because you can get free smartphones with any carrier) you know the power you have in your hand.  You know that knowledge is power and the information at your fingertips with a smartphone is nearly limitless.

So to trot out the “I’m not a computer person” line in the year 2014 makes you look stupid.  I don’t mean this to offend anyone.  I’m just telling you that saying this line out loud to anyone is basically telling people that you’re an idiot.  Computers are so dumbed down today, that if you can spell, then you can use an internet browser.  A two minute YouTube instructional video can explain how to perform a Google search.

Here’s a great internet tutorial for beginners.  You may ask how I found it.  By golly I actually found it using a search on Google!  Crazy right? I knooooow!!!  So Crazy!

So then after the “I’m not a smartphone person” or “I’m not a computer person” people, could it be laziness?  Do the people that write in these requests for information posted on the web just not want to perform the task of typing in the query?

Again I’m not meaning to offend with these questions, I’m trying to figure out for my own sanity the thought process (or lack thereof) in asking someone else through email to find something online for them when the act of writing out that email request took more time and energy than simply performing the internet search themselves.  It actually takes less time and keystrokes for the person asking the question.

So I guess that kinda answers my question there.  It can’t be that they’re lazy because it actually requires more work for them to type out the email than perform the search.  So strike lazy.

I genuinely believe the disconnect is a simple 2-5 minute lesson on how to point their browser in the direction of a search engine.  Could it be that simple you think?  Do you think that people are so afraid of technology that they intentionally refuse to learn how to find a search box?  That two minute lesson would open up worlds of information and empower them so much but they still won’t take that leap.  Being able to search for flights, bus schedules, sports scores, local events, international events, knitting patterns, free music, writing, art, ect, ect, ect, ect, ect, ect, ect, ect……

What percentage of the people who refuse to perform internet searches do you think is due to “

Laziness

Stupidity

Fear of Internet

Please help me understand.  Please.  I beg of you.  If you are one of these people could you write in (and you can make it anonymous) to help me understand why you wouldn’t perform an internet search.  Maybe if we hear from a few of these folks we can find ways to help them understand how easy it is.

It’s never going to sink in is it? ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

I should really just submit and resign myself that there are people that no matter what you do or say or how many times it’s repeated, they will refuse to use a search engine.

Need to get me one of those LMGTFY T Shirts, baseball caps and whatever other products they come up with.  If they have a car wrap I’ll buy one of those too.

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Hi Joey

Did I miss the posting of One Billion Rising on GMG?  Coming up on FRIDAY FEB 14. Peeps looking on GMG but haven’t seen it yet!

Thnx so much!
Name Removed , LMHC

Response:

No it was posted three times.  a search would provide the links

there is a search box and there is also google.

might i suggest the search terms one billion rising and goodmorninggloucester.

Here are the results 

There are no less than 5 results.

Now the thing that really tends to get me going more than having to point out that search engines exists is that when you suggest that search engines exist to most people, they seem genuinely indignant and feel like you are singling them out for being a dummy.

I should note that this is not the case with the person who sent me this email who I am sure is a very lovely person.

This note to those who refuse to use search engines –

GOOGLE- PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD- TAKE ONE MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO POINT YOUR BROWSER IN THE DIRECTION OF GOOGLE AND TYPE IN YOUR SEARCH QUERY.

WEBMASTERS AROUND THE GLOBE WILL REJOICE- THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE!

I MAY PLAN MY OWN ONE BILLION RISING EVENT TO RAISE AWARENESS OF PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO USE SEARCH ENGINES.

*note: If this email was a joke in response to last week’s post linked below then I hope you burn in hell.

How much could I charge for a seminar to teach people how to look for things on the internet using a search engine?

Posted on February 3, 2014 by Joey C

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http://lmgtfy.com/

Anyone feel like photoshopping my head onto this?

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Creative people battle addiction

Recent events should make it fairly clear that the war on drugs is a dismal failure.  Debate rages (as it should) about what might work and today it seems fitting to look at how creative people help in profound and very personal ways.

Now, you might assume that creative people tend to be more susceptible to addiction than the rest of us — think Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison, Philip Seymour Hoffman … the list goes on.  But creative people may also offer the best solution to the problem by expressing their personal experiences through their art in a way that touches us deeply and gives those of us who might fall into addiction something to hold on to.

One of my favorite young artists, Tristen, who’s appearing at Brighton Music Hall tonight with Jeremy Messersmith, has a wonderful song with a catchy tune and simple, profound lyrics that express, through pop music bliss, her resolve not to feed her friend’s habit while continuing to love and care for him — Here’s the chorus.

I will never falter, I will never fear
For I’ve seen the demons love can conquer disappear

Watch her video

Closer to home, local rising star, Chelsea Berry’s song You Me and Mary shows us how drugs can ruin a relationship.  Listen here:

Oliver Stone, in his cautionary movie The Doors, demonstrates how drugs and excess killed one of rock music’s most creative geniuses.  This is the best anti-drug experience you could ever give your kids.  Make them sit through the whole thing  before they’re 12.

If recent events aren’t enough to convince you the war on drugs is folly, watch Steven Soderbergh’s brilliant film Traffic.  As Roger Ebert says in his 4-star praise of this extraordinarily creative film, “This war is not winnable on the present terms, and takes a greater toll in human lives than the drugs themselves.”  Watch this trailer:

How much could I charge for a seminar to teach people how to look for things on the internet using a search engine?

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You may think I’m kidding but I’m dead serious.

Or maybe the President of the United States could pay me to do a national public service announcement campaign explaining how to do it. 

What would I need like a 30 second spot on all the major networks on how to point your computer to Google and type the words of the subject that you are looking for and then hit the enter button.

Is that even 30 seconds?  Maybe I could speed talk my way through it in 15 seconds and we could buy double the air space.

 

This is but one question of about the 20 emails I get a day asking me to find things that had been on the blog a previous day or last week-

Recently you posted sista felicias recipe for haddock chowder.  I failed to keep it.  Can you please send it to me?

Thanks

My response-

Good Morning :)

Try this

go to this site-

http://goodmorninggloucester.com/

then go to the top right corner where the search box is.

once you locate the search box type in “Haddock Chowder”

I bet you find the recipe.

Alternatively you could go to www.google.com

Once there you could find the search box and type in goodmorninggloucester haddock chowder

I bet that would do the trick as well.

have an awesome day

Now if I took my time to respond this calmly to every person that asks me on a daily basis to find something that had been on the blog before I’d never have time to actually produce any content.

What I wanted to do was tear what little bit of hair that I have left out of my scalp and scream because I just can’t understand how hard it is to perform an internet search or what the disconnect is that people are unwilling to perform one.  Is it possible in this day and age when Google is one of the largest companies in the world and part of the Fortune 500 that people don’t know it exists or what it is for?  It is clearly obvious that that disconnect exists for a huge number of the population.  Otherwise I wouldn’t get 20-30 emails a day asking me to find previous posts for people.

This is why the Government giving me a ginormous grant to do a PSA on how to perform internet searches would be probably the best money they ever spent.  Think about the productivity gains you would get from educating what my conservative estimate is 20% of the population who do not know how to search the internet for what they are interested in.

Please for the love of god, help spread the word of this thing called Google- so that all of mankind will benefit and middle aged balding bloggers will be less inclined to tear what little hair they have left on their head out.

Please and Thank You.

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Downton Abbey: Post-Episode Breakdown

First, let’s just get this out of the way: this show is awful. Bad writing and a terrible plot have conspired to ruin what, during the first season anyway, was once a beacon of televised goodness across a crowded wasteland. But as every season brings new awfulness and I’ve lowered my expectations, I’ve learned to enjoy the Downton Abbey we have, not the one we want. And watching it is (slightly) less guilt-inducing than watching any of the Real Housewives, though many of the elements are the same: attractive vacant-eyed people throwing their money around in between arguments at dinnertime, unlikely love affairs and random stints in prison. But I do want to say that in spite of the atrociousness of DA: at least the actors are holding up their end of the bargain by trying to take this stuff seriously, so that’s worth something. And in the spirit of full disclosure: I plan on watching this thing until the show breathes its last, miserable gasp. Which might happen at any time, if the story lines are any indication.

The Characters:

Carson: We don’t want to hear about Alice anymore, unless it turns out she’s NOT dead and living in Yorkshire and ready to love again. And this time, she means business. The business of love.

Mrs. Hughes: Apparently the only one left with any semblance of good sense and decency, which is why nearly everyone runs into Mrs. Hughes room to share their problems. She should start charging a shilling for her services. Or a ha’penny. Or a sixpence (whatever — it’s all the same to me). And she should start sharing a few of those secrets too. Why did she have no problem digging Mr. Carson’s personal correspondence out of the trash a few episodes ago “for his own good” but can’t find her way clear to inform Lord G that his guest, the other Lord G, has an animal for a valet? Strange priorities. Someone should be sounding the alarm (discreetly, by tinkling one of those little bells) that a violent rapist has entered the house. When discussing this troubling matter with my sister, she mentioned that what is the point of the class system, really, if two aristocrats can’t rain all kinds of special aristocratic justice down on a valet for raping and beating someone right in one of those giant houses they claim to be in charge of? Do the police even need to be brought into it? At least Mrs. Hughes got rid of Braithwaite, though that’s no doubt not the last we’ll see of her. And why doesn’t Hughes enlighten that dimbulb Lady Grantham about Braithwaite’s character? She wouldn’t have to go into details. Just something like, “Trust me Lady G, Braithwaite is a terrible, terrible person and you’re lucky to be rid of her.”

Lord Grantham: Pathetic, out-of-touch and irrelevant. Why is he still around? I forget. Oh yes, so Mary has someone to undermine and Bates has someone to help get dressed.

Lady Grantham: Slightly less pathetic. Very slightly. And why does she talk as though she is holding a grape between her lips? At least she got rid of that awful Nanny a few episodes ago. You know, the Nanny for the children. But I’m afraid she might have accidentally gotten rid of the children too, since none of us have seen them since Nanny left. Someone might want to track down little Sybil and little George…

Tom: Oh Tom. Tom spent the entire house party, which seemed to go on forever, moping around for no clear reason, his big Eyeore eyes so, so sad. Even though he said, again and again and again, that he just didn’t fit in, it was hard to find a cause for the level of his despair, because not a single soul there drew attention to his newly-acquired status. As far as I could tell all the guests treated him well and he used all the right forks at dinner. It would have made more sense if he expressed unease for political reasons, because he’s clearly left his activism far behind him. How exciting would it have been if an Irish separatist had dashed into the after-dinner-cigar-and-brandy-room, shaking his fist in Tom’s face and accusing him of betraying the cause? But alas, nothing quite so fascinating occurred. Instead, Tom was just so super down in the dumps because, in his now highly developed social sensitivity, he just couldn’t believe that he called so-and-so Your Grace instead of Duchess. It was enough to send him into a tailspin. Enough to make him question everything he had ever thought about himself. About his own abilities. About who he was. Tom sat on the bench in the hallway in a self-appointed time out, thinking about how stupid he was and wishing that he would have just rented the dinner clothes instead of buying them. It was now all so clear: he would never wear them again. What a waste of a pound and sixpence. Or two pounds and a shilling. Or a shilling and a ha’penny. Then Brathewaite comes in swirling whiskey around, as transparent as water and Tom is so distraught at making a fool of himself in front of exactly no one (how could he not KNOW that Your Grace should have been referred to as Duchess? How could he not KNOW that?!). He is putty in Brathewaite’s hands. Or so we are left to surmise. As far as Braithwaite goes, her strategy with Tom left me suspecting that she was a lot less clever than we had been led to believe. What woman would consider it a Master Plan to ply a man with whiskey to the point of incapacitation before demanding, just a few hours into the next morning, that he marry her? He’s not even sure what happened between you. That is not exactly a successful seduction. And the answer is; no woman, that’s who. That is just a dumb plan and it would never, ever work.

Lord Gillingham: Another dimbulb who has an animal for a valet and demands that a widow of six months commit to marry him. Right now. Or it will be too late. Oh, she doesn’t have to marry him right now, he will wait a decade for that, no problem. She just has to swear to marry him at some point. Right now. Swear right now, on the spot, to marry him in the distant future. Sorry Mary, you lost your chance at happiness with that gem. But we viewers are not worried, if the past is any indication, Ms. Finch-Fox-Ardegarde-Castleberry, his intended, will die of the flu, or just from general malaise at not being the love of Lord Gillingham’s life (why on earth is Mary repeatedly the object of such devotion?) approximately 15 minutes to eight hours before their wedding day, and you will have a second chance at love with Lord G, the Younger.

Anna & Bates: Nothing to see here folks, except a train wreck. And for no reason other than the show writer’s malicious desire to undermine the happiness of his characters. Much weeping and gnashing of teeth are coming our way, and someone’s gonna pay.

Edith: Watch out, Edith! Your man is becoming a German citizen (for the sake of your love, cough cough) in the 1920s!  Your fellow may lose the baggage of his first wife in the process, but he will gain a dictator and a fervent belief in National Socialism, so all will not be lost.

Rose: Rose? Who is that? What? Oh that’s right. She’s a character on the show. And she might be breaking all sorts of taboos by falling in love with a fella who sings like a tiny girl. Is he black? I didn’t notice. Too busy wondering why in the world he was singing like a tiny girl.

Alfred-Ivy-Jimmy-Daisy: Hopefully Alfred will learn to cook and so will Ivy and so will Daisy. I can’t wait to find out which one will learn to cook the best! Then they will all have a cooking competition and Jimmy can marry the winner. Mrs. Padmore will be the Judge. If she doesn’t die of the pressure of being a Kitchen Maid Footman Cook-off Judge first.

Thomas: Thomas is looking better and better these days. I hope Lord Grantham secretly adopts him and that he (surprise!) inherits the estate after Lord G. kicks the bucket. He can open up Thomas Barrow’s Retirement Home for Disaffected Former & Preferably Gay Valets. There’s plenty of room at the Abbey!

That’s all folks, until next week: Downton Abbey, Season 4, Episode 5! And I can’t wait.

TRHdownton

Rant: Someone Needs To Take The Fashion Designer That Decided Aztec Prints Were Gonna Be The “Thing” This Year Behind The Woodshed…

2013-12-13 12.16.11Someone Needs To Take The Fashion Designer That Decided Aztec Print Fashion Was Gonna Be  the “Thing” This Year Behind The Woodshed and Pop a Cap in His/Her Ass.

Who was the high powered fashion magazine editor or designer that decided that Aztec print clothing was gonna be the rage this year?  I hope y’all don’t have any investments in retail because this shit just isn’t gonna sell and they’re gonna take some serious markdowns on this crap.  And it isn’t just like one or two retailers having it on their racks.  It’s like every single shop at the Mall has Native Aztec fashion front and center like it’s gonna revolutionize the fashion world.

Fire ‘em.  Fire ‘em all.  Every last woman’s clothing retail buyer should be fired on the spot for trotting out such ugly fashion this year.

Can’t we get back just a little bit to Jackie O?  Is that too much to ask?

I was walking through Nordstrom and they’re also pushing MC Hammer Pants for ladies.  For real???????  Oh and don’t even get me started on the whole high-waisted shorts thing.  Might as well bring back 80’s bangs and spiked up hair.

They ought to just hire your boy Joey to get them back on track.  You know the most unlikely joint of all that’s keeping things relatively normal- brace yourselves…. Sears Lands End for Men, Women and Children. If you would have told me I’d have more success shopping at Sears Lands End than Nordstrom 5 years ago I would have told you that you were crazy.  But the facts are the facts- when Nordies rolls out MC Hammer Pants, High-Waisted Jeans and Aztec clothing as this year’s “It” fashions you gotta call ‘em out on it and someone needs to lose their job in the buying department.  Bottom Line. End Of Story.

 

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Day One With The Generic Brand Razor…

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I shoulda known better.

Here was the flawed logic from the post yesterday-

So If The Next Time You See me I’m Bleeding Profusely From My Face…

Posted on November 14, 2013 by Joey C

You can blame it on my decision to take a shot on some CVS brand disposable razors.

I ran out of  blades for my Gillette Mach III razor blade shaver about a month ago and finally succumbed to the need to buy new ones.  Went to Target and  couldn’t bring myself to spend $32 for 15 razor blades.  Seems insane to me.  Those dinky little Mach III refills cost over $2 each.

So after another full week of using the dull month and a week old razor blade I finally decided I had to suck it up and buy some new blades.  Went to CVS and saw they had a big sale on razor blades and grabbed this deal-

2 four packs of what looks to be the premium CVS brand disposables.  They were $6.99 per pack and if you bought two packs you got $5 back. Basically $14 minus a $5 rebate for 8 disposable razors comes out to just over a buck a razor.  If I’m found days from now dead,  in a pool of blood from multiple deep inflicted razor cut wounds you’ll know why.

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So there’s your lesson for the day.  When a deal isn’t a deal-  Generic Store Brand Razor Blades.

This ought to make you feel better when you fork over the money for the more expensive brand name razor blades.  I’ll be forking over the money for my old trusty Mach III blades and feel much better about it.  I swear the month and a week old Gillette Mach III blade gave a better shave than this CVS brand one did right out of the package.

Fool me once…

So If The Next Time You See me I’m Bleeding Profusely From My Face…

You can blame it on my decision to take a shot on some CVS brand disposable razors.

I ran out of  blades for my Gillette Mach III razor blade shaver about a month ago and finally succumbed to the need to buy new ones.  Went to Target and  couldn’t bring myself to spend $32 for 15 razor blades.  Seems insane to me.  Those dinky little Mach III refills cost over $2 each.

So after another full week of using the dull month and a week old razor blade I finally decided I had to suck it up and buy some new blades.  Went to CVS and saw they had a big sale on razor blades and grabbed this deal-

2 four packs of what looks to be the premium CVS brand disposables.  They were $6.99 per pack and if you bought two packs you got $5 back. Basically $14 minus a $5 rebate for 8 disposable razors comes out to just over a buck a razor.  If I’m found days from now dead,  in a pool of blood from multiple deep inflicted razor cut wounds you’ll know why.

What do you buy for shaving products?  Do you go premium Gillette or the cheapest thing possible?  I’d be interested to hear what people are doing these days.

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