Ask Joey C- Active Widow Asks About Dating

Active Widow asks-

I am a 65 year old widow. I am still active and live on Cape Ann. I am not sure how to go about dating these days, or how to start. Or should I even start?

While I feel very confident in how to answer many questions that come in, there are questions where I don’t feel qualified to answer.  This is one of these questions.

On one hand even reaching out to ask about how to go about starting to date makes me think she is interesting in getting out there.  On the other hand “Active Widow” ends asking if she should even start.  This leads me to believe that there is a certain hesitation. So perhaps our older readers can give some advice here from personal experience.

I like the idea of older folks dating and not just ending their romantic lives once their spouses pass but I imagine it has to be a very personal thing and there can’t be one answer that’s right for everyone.

I often wonder if people in their sixties lose their spouses and then start dating and end up having great sex lives.  Like are people in their sixties getting all freaky in these retirement communities?  Can’t you just see Wilford Brimley on the set of the classic 1985 movie Cocoon just drilling all the old broads in his trailer in between scenes?

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While I like the idea of older folks getting their groove on I don’t really even want to picture it to be honest.  Like the most gruesome thing any kid can ever encounter- “the dreaded walking in on your parents having sex horror”  it’s the same type of thing.  You’re happy if it’s happening but you  don’t want to know under any circumstances.

If anyone has been in this situation or knows people that have gone through this please chime in in the comments below this post.  If you can’t find the comment section because you subscribe to the GMG evening email, click the title of the post and you will see the comment section below the post.

Please send in your advice questions to goodmorninggloucester@yahoo.com they will sure to be kept anonymous.

19 comments

  • Companionship at this stage of life would be nice ~ intimacy ~ well that depends on the couple ~

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  • SEEMS LIKE JOEY HAS SOME BIAS AGAINST AGING…
    NOT A GOOD RESPONSE TO A VERY NORMAL QUESTION

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    • Nah, just trying to add a little humor and open up the dialogue for our older readers to chime in. I answer where I think I have something that I can solidly contribute but in this instance I feel as though our older readers can be more valuable with first hand knowledge.

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  • Active Widow may be hesitant because of the big step any new male-female relationship is. It’s a risk, & possibly getting hurt is daunting — after being in an apparently good marriage. The fact that she is an ‘active’ person, should provide opportunities to meet people. Age is a number, but doesn’t/shouldn’t define the person, or who they really are.
    Our son’s older godmother lost her husband of many years, when in her seventies. She has always been one of those people who are ‘ageless’ — in a good way. Loves to travel, is an artist, & really enjoys life. She decided to take an oil painting class, & met a gentleman there who came to adore her. She didn’t think she would date again, but he was persistent — even painting a portrait of her as a surprise gift. I don’t really know if that was what ‘turned the tide’, so to speak, but they did end up together. It was fulfilling for both of them, & was pretty sweet to see. They found something in each other that complimented one with the other. I remember her saying: “I feel like teenager in love.”
    You just never know.

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  • Get over yourself dude. This is not so hard to answer if you stop thinking of your parents havaing sex. You will discover as you age, that you are the same person inside and only the outer shell changes. The need for love and intimacy don’t go away for anyone. If you were in that situation, at 65, do you think you would throw your hands up and say “nah, too old for that stuff!”? The need for love, companionship and sex do not dissipate – ever. Your kids will find the prospect of you and their mother getting jiggy positively pukey…..P.S. 65 is hardly old these days….Don’t think of your parents just because of a number – 65, think of yourself and if you are less inclined toward any of these human needs now that you are middle aged. Did Paul McCartney give it all up when he hit 64? Hell no, he’s been divorced and then recently remarried at 69……

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    • Get over myself? LOL.

      I find it hard to believe any woman really even wants to be with a man, myself included in the first place to be honest with you.

      Man parts are disgusting.

      If I was a chick I’d for sure be a lipstick lesbian. The females genitalia is where it’s at IMO.

      Women are more attractive and in general smell nicer. Men are gross. So maybe that’s the answer- perhaps a little experimentation with another hot older broad. :)

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  • Puleeeeeze. I live in one of those retirement communities (80,000+ population). We golf, swim, bike, play tennis and pickle ball, dance, and yes, the singles date and have a great time. I married four years ago at age 62 and life is the best ever. Age is just a state of mind and most of my friends still feel young, it’s just our bodies that age. Joey, it comes faster than you think. Don’t blink. You, too, will be 65 and still thinking like a 30 something.

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  • Sure! Sense of humor required and all the same rules apply as for younger couples. Join groups where people of like interests frequent and have fun. Get your groove on and you will have the benefit of years of wisdom to be able to pick a good one! Rattle them bones!

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  • HEY!!!!! I’M 62 AND PRETTY DAMNED HOT!!! AND INSULTED, JOEY!!!

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  • My mother is turning 80 in April and recently told me she is thinking she would like to meet a man. I told her to go for it – it is never too late to fall in love. The desire for love and affection never dies, and we do always remain young in spirit, which is the true us. Your writer might want to check out http://www.seniorpeoplemeet.com/ which is a dating site for seniors.

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  • Don’t make it so obvious that you’re trying. Let it happen if it happens, if it doesn’t , you can rediscover yourself and find all the happiness you need. Good luck in finding true happiness, (which isen’t always found with a man) (Or a woman !!) Find yourself and a higher power . that’s all , then if a wonderful opportunity comes up with a certain gentleman, let it happen. No hurry, no worry. Good luck.

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  • Hey, my step father met his third wife at 82 and just remarried (he is now 83).. He met her while living his life as fully as possible, at a music conference, where mutual acquaintances knew he loved to dance, as did this woman… and 9 months later, they are married and she moved from the midwest to Massachusetts. So, my advice would be to get out and about and enjoy your life and keep your eyes open for opportunities… 65 is the new 40!

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  • My mother is also 78 and is attractive, in great shape and energetic. She has had several men interested in her since becoming a widow and so far has just let it go to friendship (at least that I know of). I am so happy when I hear she has had “Steve” over for dinner. As others have said, ones needs for affection and companionship never go away no matter how old. I think it’s awful when society starts thinking of “old people” as almost a separate species or something. Ridiculous.

    I totally encourage the 65-Widow to go for it. Although she’s hesitant which is normal, I interpret her letter as really looking for encouragement to explore a more active social life including possibly a romantic relationship. Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say.

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  • SeniorPeopleMeet…we’re both 65, and met last fall…having a ball in every way immaginable!

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  • I don’t think age should be a deterrent to dating. I know a guy who was dating different women well into his 70’s. He was a widow also, and although he never wanted to ‘settle down’ again, he kept company with women he had something in common with. Companionship/friendship was the key, not wild sex. So, I think the woman should get out there and start mingling!

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